Other than Kevin Smith, is there anyone more toxic to a film than Nia Vardalos? Well, get ready, because first-time feature director Jamie Travis has them both, though only one gets to beat off behind the wheel of a Big Apple cab. Thankfully, Smith isn't masturbating from his usual spot behind the camera, and Vardalos has only a small role as an editor in a publishing house in this smarmy comedy about female phone sex operators. One of those, Krissy, is played by Sugar Lyn Beard, who's done her share of voiceover work in cartoons. So alert your therapist — that's Wish Bear from the Care Bears making sexy talk for shut-ins. And enjoy her performance while you can, because her employers, the leads Katie (Boston's Ari Graynor, who deserves better) and Lauren (co-writer Lauren Anne Miller, who maybe doesn't), fire her in short order. This is no Girls, just the usual opposites-attract sludge, post-Sex and the City. I've had more exciting conversations on the phone with my mother.
