The Phoenix Network:
About  |  Advertise
Adult  |  Moonsigns  |  Band Guide  |  Blogs  |  In Pictures
Media -- Dont Quote Me  |  News Features  |  Talking Politics

Loko No Mo'
The Four Loko phenomenon accelerated so quickly that some details got lost along the way. Maybe it's because we were guzzling several cans a day, but, by the time the Food and Drug Administration outlawed crack juice in November, it seems like no one knew exactly who spoiled all the fun. As it turns out, it was attorneys general from more than two dozen states (not including Massachusetts) who first decided that Americans are not responsible enough to drink a potion laced with three times more alcohol than beer, and as much caffeine as a 12-ounce coffee. In 2008, AGs successfully bullied MillerCoors into mellowing its comparable Sparks product, and soon after set their sights on Phusion Projects, the Chicago-based brewers of Four Loko.

In 2010, shit got realer. As powerful prosecutors raised concerns, meatheads and co-eds helped them out by imbibing suicidal quantities of El Loko, causing local authorities to take notice. This past fall, nearly two dozen Ramapo College students in New Jersey were hospitalized with alcohol poisoning after binging on Four Loko; in Washington, state lawmakers voted to ban "blackout in a can" on November 10, less than a month after a similar incident there. The FDA ordered Phusion and other companies to change their formulas a week later, while Massachusetts followed up soon after with its own ban. As for the media — reporters are still punch-drunk over the stuff, and have taken to reporting on the black market that's emerged in the wake of speed-brew prohibition.

Four Loko fans were not the only victims of the Great Bodega Buzz Kill of 2010. Early this year, the US Marine Corps placed an emergency ban on synthetic marijuana, which is popularly marketed under the names Spice and K2. Several states followed suit after an Iowa teen allegedly committed suicide while bugging out on fake weed, and on November 24 the US Drug Enforcement Administration quashed potpourri puffing altogether. There's a chance that the Spice ban could be lifted in 2011, when the current emergency measure expires. But that's unlikely, considering that it's already blackballed in a dozen other industrialized nations.

For people who smoke real weed, 2010 was bittersweet as an old bong packed with Blueberry Haze. This year, New Jersey, Arizona, and the District of Columbia legalized medical marijuana. But in Illinois, legislators followed Boston's lead to ban blunt wraps. Meanwhile, in already-loose California, voters rejected a ballot proposition that would have made it the first state to legalize and tax the crop. It was awful news for most West Coast stoners, but a small relief for some who claim that the munchies are a lot less fun since last January, when Cali became the first state to ban trans fats in all restaurants.

Not banned yet
Even with acts of state tyranny like the Four Loko ban compromising constitutional freedoms, right-wing blowhards have plenty to be thankful for this year. True, this past weekend, wacko liberal lawmakers finally strong-armed the Senate into repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell — but for anyone whose heart isn't warmed by this attack on the military's cherished tradition of institutional homophobia, perhaps there's good news in the gun leniency that was enacted during President Obama's second year in office.

< prev  1  |  2  |  3  |   next >
  Topics: News Features , Massachusetts, Marijuana, Marlboro Cigarettes,  More more >
| More
2 Comments / Add Comment

War On Us

This is kinda like the "herbal incense" ban. FYI-where there is a will there is a way. I found my way around the Four LOKO ban - Vodka/Redbull or maybe JAGER BOMB.... How much is this going to cost our troubled economy to enforce? Most people give up after one bad time... I don't know to many people that would do anything more stupid while drinking four loko as compared to the alternative drinks (Vodka/red and Jager bomb, etc.) Maybe we should outlaw Caffeine?!?!? it is our common DEMOminator. End the war.
Posted: December 25 2010 at 3:29 AM


Saturnalia is back...Dickhead!

Posted: December 26 2010 at 9:18 AM
Add Comment
HTML Prohibited

 Friends' Activity   Popular   Most Viewed 
[ 01/06 ]   Bohemian Bacchanalia  @ Oberon
[ 01/06 ]   Boston Symphony Orchestra conducted by James Levine  @ Symphony Hall
[ 01/06 ]   Mr. Sister + Mount Peru + MeandJoanCollins + Points North  @ Middle East Upstairs
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   MASS POT REFORM BLAZES UP  |  January 06, 2011
    The Massachusetts Cannabis Reform Coalition (MassCann) is hardly a stoned cadre of spliff-roasting slackers. They don't have that luxury.
  •   INFOPOCALYPSE: THE COST OF TOO MUCH DATA  |  December 29, 2010
    At any given time, federal agencies use more electronic storage units than could fill every NFL stadium from Oakland to Foxboro.
    There's this funny idea in the music industry — or at least in the hip-hop slice of that glorious enterprise — that it's uncool to release an album in January, February, or March. Artists and label dicks just love talking about how they're "waiting for the second quarter to drop."
  •   THE FOUR LOKO CLUB: STUFF THAT WAS BANNED IN 2010  |  December 22, 2010
    In early November, Sarah Palin passed out 200 sugar cookies at a school fundraiser in Bucks County, Pennsylvania.
  •   BEST BOSTON RAP ALBUMS OF 2010  |  December 21, 2010
    So I'm walking past the Jeanie Johnston in Jamaica Plain after the Boston Music Awards, and I see Slaine and his friend Ronnie hugging the bar and crushing rum and cokes.

 See all articles by: CHRIS FARAONE

RSS Feed of for the most popular articles
 Most Viewed   Most Emailed 

  |  Sign In  |  Register
Phoenix Media/Communications Group:
Copyright © 2011 The Phoenix Media/Communications Group