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State to workers: just die, already; a variety of occupations

Pension pains
By  |  October 19, 2011

As Governor Lincoln Chafee, Treasurer Gina Raimondo, and state legislators who have been forced to get out of bed earlier than usual — poor dears — buckle up and take on the job of reforming the state's mutilated pension system, Phillipe and Jorge know our minds are on the same subject as that of the bulk of Vo Dilunduhs: Are Ashton and Demi splitting up?

While P&J believe that any plan taking away promised benefits to state employees is unethical, if not illegal, the proposed overhaul at least attempts to find some solutions in this dog's breakfast of a situation.

Yes, it will require some help from state workers. The bill would eliminate cost-of-living increases until the pension system is 80-percent funded. State officials figure that will take about 19 years — a period during which our fearless leaders hope those receiving pensions will do their patriotic duty and die.

Raising the retirement age to 67 could damage the economy by reducing revenues at golf courses across the state. But that could be offset if Hasbro hires new employees to build special G.I. Joe walkers for elderly employees going to and from work every day. To those who labor at outdoor jobs, Chafee and Raimondo remind you to stay off ladders and keep those steel wheels out of the sand.

To Linc and Gina: Bon chance, amis.


"This is our history. This is our future. This is Providence Journalism."

With these words, Urinal publisher Howard Sutton announced that the Floundering Fiefdom of Fountain Street had completed a makeover of its web site and would soon be blowing off its own foot with an AK-47 by allowing only subscribers (all 123 of them) access to the paper's full treasure trove of information, via an eEdition.

Channeling the still-warm corpse of Steve Jobs, this new website promises that "[i]tems on the breaking news feed will be brief, generally no more than four paragraphs relating the basic facts of an event. When warranted, the next day's paper — and eEdition — will follow up with a deeper report." P&J take it that "when warranted" means "when the story is not so dated and ice cold it would make the announcement of Elvis's death look like a scoop."

P&J are already impressed by the new-look BeloJo web page, with its jaunty, eye-catching navy blue-and-white color scheme, and an anonymous source inside the media monolith informs us that it will also break new ground by having a different weather forecast EVERY DAY! That ought to be a can't-turn-this-down proposition for potential subscribers.

"This is Providence Journalism." How about, "This is Business Suicide," Howie?


Occupy this!

While the protests against Wall Street grow louder and more visible daily, despite the corporate media's attempts to discredit and dismiss the outpouring of frustration by an abused middle class, P&J came across a depressing headline in the October 16 New York Times: "Romney Beating Obama in a Fight for Wall Street Cash."

Given that the Obama administration is a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Wall Street already, the fact that giant vampire squids like Goldman Sachs may find the detestable phony, professional mannequin, and uber-corporate exec Mitt Romney even more to their liking is frightening.

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Related: Crossing the line, Crossing the line, Tapped out, More more >
  Topics: Phillipe And Jorge , Politics, phillipe and jorge, occupations,  More more >
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