Cardinal sin

Drunken golf-cart fun at Stanford; plus, an aspiring NHL goon takes his show off the ice
By MATT TAIBBI  |  June 16, 2010


Here's one you don't hear every day. J.J. Hones, a point guard on the Stanford Cardinal women's basketball team, has been dismissed from the squad for a DUI. No big deal, right? Happens all the time in college sports.

Only in this case, Hones wasn't driving a car. She was driving a golf cart — allegedly drunk — on the Stanford campus. The actual incident was way back on May 2; Hones was driving "erratically" on campus grounds at around 1:30 am when campus cops tried to get her to stop. She refused to answer police commands and when finally apprehended (God, I hope there was a Starsky and Hutch–style golf-cart chase in there somewhere), she failed a series of sobriety tests and was dragged off to Santa Clara county jail. Ultimately released on $5000 bail, she was later booted from the Cardinal team. Give her 18 points.

Believe it or not, this wasn't the only golf-cart DUI this year. In fact, just about a week after Hones got picked up, three current and former Oregon State University football players — former quarterback Lyle Moevao, former linebacker Keaton Kristick, and current OSU starting defensive tackle Brennan Olander — got busted for stealing a golf cart on campus and taking it on a drunken joy ride that culminated in them flipping the vehicle and leaving it upended in a handicapped space near an off-campus apartment complex. The fact that they left it in a handicapped space was a particularly excellent touch.

The Oregon State Beavers are slowly but surely giving their cross-state rivals, the Oregon Ducks, a run for their money in the area of off-season sports crime. While the In-Duckt-ments have all but lapped the field in college ball this year, the Beavers have gained ground, notching up numerous recent arrests. Besides the golf-cart incident, there was also an aquatic DUI that backup quarterback Peter Lalich got hit with in early May for allegedly driving a boat under the influence. Assistant women's basketball coach Krista Reinking got busted for a DUI last month and just last week, Pac-10 wrestling champion Colby Covington got charged with fourth-degree assault. They have a way to go to catch the Ducks, but it's developing into an interesting in-state rivalry.

Give blood, play hockey
Here's one you might hear about more often: a hockey player, arrested for getting in a bar fight!

Back in 2009, the Buffalo Sabres decided to go for size in the draft, plucking a burly 6-3, 215-pound dude named Zack Kassian with their top pick. With several players on the roster sporting the Wes Welker physique, they wanted someone a little bigger, a little more comfortable with the violent side of life. Kassian's open-ice clothes-lining of Matt Kennedy of the junior-league Barrie Colts (and his subsequent ass-kicking in the obligatory post-check fistfight) was one of hockey's top YouTube moments last year. The initial head shot is awesome — he literally hurls his whole body right at Kennedy's head, almost like Rodney Harrison on skates.

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Related: Parental advisory, Bust busted, Spring fever, More more >
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