Dr. Lovemonkey

by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

This is a message in response to a letter from someone named "Libby" who finds herself unattracted to Asian men (from your column, June 19-26):

The de-masculinization of Asian men and treating of Asian women as "exotic" is actually a recognized form of oppression of Asian people. You are right that this is a method of "dehumanizing" people who are different from ourselves, but it is a specific oppression. (White people don't, for instance, generally see Black men as non-masculine -- although, admittedly, woman of all races seem to be exoticized by white people).

A White Person Against Oppression of All People

PS: Please feel free to share this information with any and all Asian people you know -- it can be liberating to discover that a way you have been mistreated is actually a form of oppression. By the way, good job keeping a light humorous touch when giving advice on heavy subjects.

Dear White Person,

Naturally, there are all sorts of socio-political implications when people acknowledge beliefs or feelings that they have toward entire groups of people. The issue of oppression that you bring up is certainly interesting and provocative. However, Dr. Lovemonkey generally restricts his responses to the realm of personal pathology.

For instance, if Richard M. Nixon were writing in (and I wish he would, as there is no greater thrill than receiving mail from famous dead people), I would be far more interested in discussing how his incredible distrust of virtually everyone led him to do the destructive things he did, rather than addressing (for instance) the racial implications of the Vietnam war. I do appreciate readers writing in to amplify on the letters or responses published here, but Dr. Lovemonkey will continue to eschew the political for the personal.

Dear Doctor Lovemonkey,

Let's see where do I begin? Well it all started around last Christmas. I was on a chatline that I had been using for about 2 yrs ago. I just moved to a new town to go to College and I did a search to see if anyone from my college was on a there was a few names of people who were on so I though I would say "hello." I met this terrific guy so we met and hit everything off. Like I said, I knew hardly no one except for my roomate at the dorm. Both me and this guy were single. So we went out on a date and we hit it off. Needless to say we are still together and everything seems to be fine and cool We both live together now. But see the problem is that he is thinking about marriage and well I am honestly 21 and he's 26. I don't know if I am ready for this kind of commitment. He wants to tell our folks. But the whole reason why I do not want him to is cause I am still unsure. We have only been together for 5 months. Truthfully this is my longest relationship in my life. Why I do not know. But do you think it is a good idea? My folks are very protective of me as I am the only child they have and a daughter. So ya know . . . My father and mother really like him a lot. So what is your advice?

Kymber

Dear Kymber,

I print the your email transmission verbatim for a reason. Dr. Lovemonkey is thrilled as can be with the access to information and convenience afforded by the cyberworld of computer networks. However, claims that the exercise of typing out correspondence on a keyboard will serve to enhance the current generation's reading and writing skills appear to be exaggerated, especially considering the fact that the day is fast arriving when voice-activated systems will replace most of the keyboard functions.

But, back to the issue at hand. You're "honestly 21" (always preferable to being "dishonestly 21" -- a condition one normally associates with phony IDs frequently designed to be used in the illegal procurement of alcoholic beverages.), and the 26-year-old male you've been happily cohabiting with for the past 5 months is pressing you to marry him.

Your instincts seem to be telling you that you're not ready to make that commitment, and your instincts are right. Saying that this five-month romance is the "longest relationship in (your) life" is tantamount to saying that this is your first real relationship. But do take this proposal seriously, consider it carefully and I'm sure that your boyfriend will give you more time to give the idea careful thought. If you deal with the issue with the gravity it deserves, whether or not you should marry this person now should become obvious in time. If it doesn't become fairly clear and you continue to harbor serious doubts, you're not ready. Take your time, but if you believe marriage is a serious matter, you should come to an answer within a year or two. And if you don't believe marriage is a serious matter, don't marry.

---

Email Dr. Lovemonkey

---

Dr. Lovemonkey's archive

---