E-Mail This Article to a Friend One day of hell (continued)

1:30 P.M. – X-Play. What the hell? You mean to tell me that I’ve got to sit through another episode of this show? It’s about this time that I realize that I never should have decided to make a day of watching this trash. I’m ready to gouge my eyes out as I watch the aforementioned Sessler interview the real-life "wacky" characters of the game Backyard Wrestling. I am now officially in Hell.

2:00 P.M. – Arena. Ah yes, the day's first repeat performance. This is probably one of the worst offenses of the G4TechTV network: repeats. And lots of ’em. As if these shows weren’t awful to begin with, G4 seems obsessed with cramming them down your throat.

2:30 P.M. – Filter. This is a "list" or "countdown" type of show. It’s actually pretty good. I’m also a big fan of the token hot-chick host, Diane Mizota. (Super geeks will also know that Diane played "Fuk Mi" in the last Austin Powers movie!) Anyway, this particular episode of Filter focused on the best Dreamcast games of all time. It wasn’t much of a surprise, but Soul Calibur won the top spot. Regardless, I liked this show. I mean, who doesn’t love lists and the shows that from which they are spawned?

3:00 P.M. – Electric Playground. Fantastic. I’ve got two hours to go until this project is over and they torture me with another repeat. I mean, is G4TechTV that hard-up for programming that they have to repeat a show just a few hours after it first aired? The answer is a resounding yes.

3:30 P.M. – Judgment Day. This show blows my mind. Now get this: Judgment Day is yet another game-review show and it "stars" the same two guys who are on the show Electric Playground. Confused? Well, truthfully, so was I at this point. I mean, it’s basically the same goddamn show with the same two douchebag hosts! Also, the show (much like others I’ve seen during this hell day) is apparently dated, as the geek hosts reviewed Deus Ex: Invisible War and Gladius – two games that have been out in stores since early spring. By the way, it turns out that it wasn’t my overcooked eggs that made me bitter earlier in the day. Nope, co-host Tommy Tallarico needs to be done away with.

4:00 P.M. Sweat. This is G4TechTV’s sports show! Yeah, bro! Sports! Sweat is such a cool name! And it’s what you do when you play sports! Or sport video games! Yeah! And I’m using exclamation points liberally because this show and its over-the-top host Rossi really like to be "extreme" and "in your face"! So I thought that if I used a lot of exclamation points in this article, I too could be as cool as Rossi from Sweat! Yeah! Seriously, do any of you remember that episode of The Simpsons when Itchy ’n’ Scratchy tried to add the "hip ’n’ cool’ character "Poochy"? Well, there’s a real-life "Poochy" and his name is Rossi. Sweat is an awful train wreck of a show.

4:30 P.M. Cinematech. Hooray! It’s that same clip show I watched at 11:30 this morning. Boy, look at how awesome the graphics look for Final Fantasy X! Man oh man, I’m going to buy that game when it comes out. Oh yeah, that’s right; it came out three years ago. And I’ve already played it. Goddamn Cinematech. This show wouldn’t suck if they maybe updated it and showed games that weren't #!?$# out yet!

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell or italicize so much. However, at this point in my day I was literally ready to hang myself. I also was pretty much ashamed of myself for wasting my day watching this trash.

Regardless, there was a silver lining here. The G4TechTV network made me realize something, and that’s that videogames should only show up on your television if you are playing them. Y’know, in theory, G4TechTV is a pretty good idea, but unless the programming gets more informative and, well, less awful, it’s just not worth watching.

Otherwise, if it’s information or reviews you want, come here to the Phoenix or pick up an issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly. At least you’ll be getting informative reviews and news without some faux-hawked asshole getting up all in your grill and telling you why "THIS GAME IS SO AWESOME, BRO!"

Ugh.