E-Mail This Article to a Friend The Spike and the damage done (continued)

9:33 – Roy Jones Jr. takes time out from losing another match to introduce the Pontiac GTO Best Driving Game, with special guest-presenter KITT. After KITT (or rather the PA who’s driving the crappy replica) almost runs over Jones, he announces the winner to be Burnout 3. The other two nominees were NASCAR 2005 and Need for Speed 2, both published by EA – who are fast becoming the Miramax of video games.

9:36 – Giovanni "I’m Beck’s brother-in-law" Ribisi introduces Sum 41 in his best "Phoebe’s crazy brother" routine. Someone on stage barks through a megaphone, and for a brief second I’m hoping it’s Pink Floyd. Alas, it is in fact Sum 41. (Listen, these guys seem nice enough – they even have a halfway decent song and a pretty cool video – but why does every game producer think this is the only music gamers listen to? Is it because they think if we’ll buy six copies of the same game – GTA – we’ll buy anything? Well, they’re probably right.)

9:46 – After Hyde from That ’70s Show – which really should be in like 1984 by now – introduces a clip from Game of the Year nominee Half-Life2 (which looks really cool with all those alien tri-pod things), Tara Reid, wearing a parka and snow pants to ensure full coverage, gives the Best Song in a Game award to Green Day for "American Idiot" from Madden 2005. (Man, that was a long sentence.) Green Day remind everyone that rock ’n’ roll still lives, but the people over at BET aren’t buying it.

9:47 – Speaking of which, hip-hop is really popular, too.

9:49 – Lil’ Jon breaks character and screams "Yeah!" at the audience. Snoop and Pharrell perform a song that is not "Drop It Like It’s Hot." Snoop’s pimp coat is still MIA.

9:54 – Papa Roach refrain from sucking just long enough to announce the less-important winners, including Graphics (Halo 2), Action (San Andreas), and Fighting (Mortal Kombat). Don’t worry, though, they’ll get back to sucking soon enough.

10:01 – The delicious Kelly Hu gives Sam Jackson the award for Best Performance by a Human Male for San Andreas. In a shocking turn of events, Jackson does not yell.

10:06 – Elektra preview again. I was wrong before; this looks awful.

10:10 – Michelle Rodriguez, strangely genuinely excited, introduces the clip for Game of the Year nominee Halo 2. I would let her kick my ass any day, even as that zombie she played in Resident Evil. This leads me to wonder who would win in a fight between her and Linda Hamilton in her Terminator 2 heyday — yes, I’m lame.

10:13 – The Chronicles of Riddick wins Best Game Based on a Movie, and Vin Diesel invites the entire audience to his after-party "in the back," presumably where his mother will be waiting with Tang and Fluffernutters. Also, the guy on stage with him is definitely not Kevin Smith.

10:16 – Fabulous introduces the rest of the awards that didn’t make it into the show, like RPG (Fable) and Gaming Website (Gamespot). This is like that bastard-child section of the Oscars when they let Sandra Bullock announce the Scientific winners. However, at least Fabulous dresses up to his name.

10:24 – Sam Jackson yells! Madden 2005 wins Best Sports Game! John Madden is relieved that his pre-recorded acceptance speech doesn’t go to waste!

10:28 – Snoop’s pimp coat arrives just in time for his duet (or, as they say in rap, "collabo") with Pharrell on "Drop It Like It’s Hot." That pimp coat is looking fine!

10:38 – More "Hot Girls Read Cheat Codes." More "Aaron Solomon Drinks Captain Morgan."

10:38 – John Singleton, who’s made one genuine classic, one pretty-damn-good-but-not-classic movie, and a bunch of really mediocre films, previews his new video game Fear and Respect, coming out next year. The game stars Snoop Dogg, who is the host of the evening and is yet one more in a long line of shameless plugs for the evening.

10:40 – Frankie Muniz and the Donnas present the Most Addictive Game Award to Burnout 3, thus fulfilling a number of my fantasies. I’m getting worried, however, because there are only 20 minutes left and so many more things to plug. Also, no word yet on the Snoop/Sort-of-the-Doors collabo for "Riders on the Storm."

10:48 – Method, Red, and Ludacris – with some help from Bishop Don "Magic" Juan – present the Game of the Year award to Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Sam Jackson stops screaming just long enough to accept. Jackson is one of the few presenters who seems glad to be there. Either he’s getting a huge paycheck for this, or he actually is happy to be there.

10:52 – The moment one-eighth of the audience has been waiting for since they heard about the show last week: the return of the Crüe. Brooke Burke introduces them as a band that "rocks so hard I used to never want to stop dancing to it."

10:53 – Tommy Lee is lowered onto the stage during the opening notes of "Girls, Girls, Girls." Vince Neil appears to be wearing Jerry Seinfeld’s puffy shirt.

10:56 – Snoop Dogg joins in. Vince Neil looks ready to cash his check and get the hell out.

10:58 – Funk Master Flex asks the audience: "How many people want another song?" The audience goes wild, not realizing he was talking about Mötley Crüe. The Crüe eschew "Home Sweet Home" for "Dr. Feelgood," the words to which Vince Neil appears to actually remember. I never liked the Crüe as a kid – I was always more of a Poison guy myself – but as recent reunions go, it was way better than Axl’s embarrassing warbling at the 2002 MTV Video Music Awards.

11:01 – Snoop signs off. Aaron turns on KOTORII.