Cool it

Dr. Dr. Lovemonkey,

Please help me. I’ve recently been going out with a girl for two months. I’m falling for her, but she doesn’t really seem to care for me in the affectionate way. I’m overly affectionate. I wish she would come up to me and try to kiss me or hold my hand, but she hardy even talks to me. Lately she has been getting frustrated and I know not what to do.

I keep thinking it’s me or there’s something wrong and she dismisses it with the frustration sigh, Grrrrrrr. It hurts me because I told her I was falling for her, but she said she’s not falling for me yet — it’s too soon. This makes me feel bad. I think of her constantly and it gets me down that she doesn’t care as much as I do. What should I do?

Also, last night I was "pleasing her" (with my fingers, of course) and I went in really deep and struck a little lump or something which I continued to stroke, turning her on. I continued, but when I pulled out, I had all this blood and junk on my fingers. What was that and what was the lump? Please explain.

— Blee

Dear Blee,

I could have sworn that I know someone named Blee . . . or was it Blee Blee? Well, never mind. It’s only been two months that you have been seeing each other. Indeed, Blee, you need to slow down and put it into perspective. A standard rule of thumb is that the relationship will grow at the pace of the most recent partner. Your challenge is to slow down and keep your ardor in check. Try as best you can to synchronize with her. I assume the "lump" you struck that "turned her on" was her clitoris. If you are interested in the sexual happiness of women, you would do well to familiarize yourself with this small, sensitive erectile organ.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m 43 years old and recently divorced. I’ve been involved with a great gal I met in an Internet chat room a couple of months ago. We’ve been e-mailing back and forth, talked on the phone, and exchanged e-mail photos. She’s 19 and studying to be a doctor. Here’s the problem.

We love each other very much, but her parents are totally against us and forbid her to be with a 43-year-old divorced man (they are against divorce for religious reasons). We have tried to meet a couple of times, but she is respecting her parents’ wishes and refuses to see me. What can I do to win the parents over? I know she’s interested and will see me if the parents drop their objections. I know we’d really hit it off. I’m really good looking and people say I look 10 years younger than my age.

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

I’m with the parents on this. It’s not so much your divorced status that Dr. Lovemonkey believes is the problem, but the fact that 43 and 19 don’t add up. You can make a case, for instance, for the same age span if you are 50 and she is 26. But at 19, she’s had too few life experiences; she’s not emotionally mature enough to be involved with a 43-year-old divorced man. Drop the whole idea. You haven’t even meet each other face-to-face and you’re old enough to be her father. Check out Joyce Maynard’s recent memoir about her relationship with J.D. Salinger and then think again.