Undue influence

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a 35-year-old woman and divorced my husband of six years more than a year ago. A few months back, I ran into a guy who I’d known in college. We always got along fine and I pretty much liked him, so we started going out and I found myself falling for him rather quickly.

My new beau has all the qualities and positive characteristics that my ex-husband lacked. We are very compatible and he gives me all sorts of attention. Recently, though, I’ve been reading about "commitmentphobes" — guys who are unable to commit to a relationship. As it turns out, my boyfriend has a history indicating that he might fit this description. He’s had a number of relationships over the years, all of which ended in less than a year. It seems that everything is great at first, but when the woman starts getting too close, he finds something wrong with the relationship and breaks it up.

I don’t know for certain if this is exactly how it happened with him, but all the symptoms are there. Unfortunately, these symptoms are also some of the ones I really love . . . the attention and gifts and all. I can’t tell if he is a commitment-phobe or not. If he is, I think I should break it off myself very soon. What do you think?

— Wary in Love

Dear Wary,

The only way you’ll know for sure is to get closer to him and see if he pulls back. You may have been unduly influenced by your reading material. It doesn’t sound as if you really have the sort of "up-close-and-personal" information about your guy’s former relationships to know for certain about his willingness to commit. But there are red flags, it seems. There’s no such thing as a risk-free intimate relationship, and I think you just have to stick your neck out a little and see what happens. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 15 and some people say that this is too young to really be in love. They all believe that no one will give me any help or advice, but I figured you would. My problem is this: I am in love with a guy who is six years years older than me. He loves me too, but he has a girlfriend right now. He says he loves me and will dump her for me, but I don’t want her to get hurt because she’s a good friend of mine. I just don’t know what to do about this situation. Help!

— In Love

Dear In Love,

There are two things you should think about. The hardest one to accept is that — although I do believe you can really be in love at 15 — the nature of what you desire and what is important to you will probably change in the next five, six, and seven years. So what constitutes love for you now might be very different then.

The other thing — and this is something to really think about — is that your intended boyfriend is expressing his willingness to dump his girlfriend for you. Don’t you think this is a rather cold way for him to treat her? If he can be this cold to her, might he be the same way with other girls, including you? He does not sound like someone you can really rely on.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey.

My boyfriend has this big snake and I’m very scared of it. I want him to get rid of it, but he refuses to do so. I feel like giving him an ultimatum, but I’m a little scared. What should I do?

— Frustrated in West Warwick

Dear Frustrated,

If you are lower on his priority list than the pet snake, I think you know what to do. Tell him you’ll have nothing to do with the warm-blooded snake beneath his belt buckle until he gets rid of the cold-blooded one. I’m guessing it’s a Harley-Davidson belt buckle, but maybe that’s because Dr. Lovemonkey has seen a lot of movies about guys in trailer parks with tattoos and pet snakes.