"Ronald Mallett, a physicist at the University of Connecticut, believes he knows how to build a time machine — an actual device that could send something or someone from the future to the past, or vice versa."

— Boston Globe, April 5, 2002

Ah, the possibilities ...

We could send Al Qaeda bigwig Abu Zubaydah back to medieval Spain, where interrogators really knew how to get to the truth. We could send Trent Lott there, too, just for the hell of it. And the New York Yankees. We could transport Middle East peace envoy Anthony Zinni to Palestine, 1948, to give the poor bastard a sporting chance. An enterprising tour company could offer "Happy Days" day trips to September 10th, 2001.

We could go back to the weeks before the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke and tell Linda Tripp to keep her damn mouth shut. We could take a trip to game six of the 1986 World Series and tell Bill Buckner to keep his damn legs shut. We could go back to October 1945, nine months before George W’s birthday, and tell Barbara Bush to do likewise.

We could travel back to 1961, the year before City Hall Plaza was built, and burn the project blueprints. We could send the entire city of Boston 10 years ahead — and get this Big Dig nightmare over and done with. We could transport Jane Swift back to 2001, the day before Governor Cellucci resigned, to talk herself out of running for the office. We could send a bunch of English soccer hooligans to beat up Hitler. Mike Tyson to bite off van Gogh’s other ear. We could bring Jesus Christ to town to have a quiet word with Cardinal Law.

We could send Tom Brokaw to 1942, just to see how he likes the Good Old Days now. We could visit the premiere of the 1991 Oliver Stone movie The Doors and, as a humanitarian act, transport the audience three hours ahead. We could put James Cameron on the Titanic. We could banish the band Creed to the 19th century, before recording devices were invented. Mozart could collaborate with Moby. Renoir could design Web sites. Shakespeare could write a special episode of Friends. We could put the missing link on the Weakest Link. Genghis Kahn could appear on Jerry Springer. We could have Survivor: One Million Years B.C.

We could send a chunk of the Berlin Wall to Lenin. A pair of platform shoes to Napoleon. A United Airlines in-flight meal to Charles Lindbergh. A lava lamp to Thomas Edison. A Global Positioning device to Amelia Earhart. A copy of Hustler to Henry David Thoreau. A case of Pop-Tarts to the Donner Party. A bar of soap to Louis XIV.

We could make it so that instant messages arrive before we’ve sent them. Or contrive to have a Boston-to-New York shuttle land at La Guardia on time. Women could take morning-after pills the day before, just to be on the safe side. We could take the guess work out of daily horoscopes. Make a long weekend last for weeks. A root canal could be over before it’s begun. Multiple orgasms could be achieved with the flick of a switch. War, pestilence, and global warming could be things of the past. Best of all, we could still have Super Bowl XXXVI to look forward to, again and again and again ...