Some Terrible Things

(To the tune of "My Favorite Things.")

Bush is in Berlin, he’s bashing the table.

Ice caps are melting, the climate’s unstable.

Richard Reid trying to light up his string.

These are a few of the terrible things.

Featherless chickens and bugs in our burgers.

Afghanistan’s mayhem disrupting the jirgas.

Indian warplanes with nukes on their wings.

These are a few of the terrible things.

Jobless rates rising, the stock market falling.

The new Star Wars movie is simply appalling.

People with cell phones with musical rings.

These are a few of the terrible things.

A gun in the classroom, a bomb in the mailbox,

Junk mail and hate mail and anthrax and smallpox,

Internet predators, preachers who swing.

These are a few of the terrible things.

When the birds sing,

When the Sox win,

When I’m feeling fly,

I simply remember these terrible things,

And then I don’t feel so high.

Crop dusters carrying murderous cargoes,

Dead DC interns and oil embargoes.

Sabers are rattling out in Beijing.

These are a few of the terrible things.

Hussein is in Baghdad, he’s meaner than ever.

Abu Zubaydah is too gosh-darn clever.

Osama’s alive with his arm in a sling.

These are a few of the terrible things.

FBI warnings are issued twice daily.

Teenage fanatics are bombing Israelis.

Don’t drink the water: the arsenic stings.

These are a few of the terrible things.

The government’s run by a blithering moron,

But don’t you dare say so, you know there’s a war on.

Pork-barrel congressmen saying, "Ka-ching!"

These are a few of the terrible things.

When the sun shines,

When the wine flows,

When I’m feeling gay,

I simply remember these terrible things,

And then I exclaim, "Oy vey!"