DESPITE HAVING an "austere" and even "cavelike" atmosphere that "takes the ‘fun’ out of ‘fundamental,’ " this well-kept secret in the heart of Istanbul has attracted a small but "fanatical" following. Whether you’re here for a "sit-down (on the floor)" meal or eating "on-the-run," Chez Jihad promises "more bang for your buck." The restaurant's "chilly" and sometimes "outright hostile" staff, who are given to saying things like "leave our restaurant or suffer a terrible fire from above," can alienate customers at times, and the dress code tends to be somewhat "conservative" (burqas are available from the martyr'd who greets patrons at the door). But "exalted master" chef Omasa bin Dalen serves up "food that’s to die for," including "wicked hot" bazooka Buffalo quail wings. The pre fixe menu, while "costly," and payable "cash only, unmarked bills," offers "three courses, each one bigger than the last," and promises to make diners "forget the first course ever came." Bin Dalen’s signature dish, a "killer" flambéed goat steak, is gauranteed, "if Allah wills it," to "blow you away." The restaurant’s no alcohol rule, however, is "strictly" enforced.