Last supper?

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I had been dating this guy for over a year when he up and moved to New York last November. Although we tried to stay together, I thought it would be better for us in the long run if he let me go. Many tears later, he still can’t stop himself. Now he wants me to go to his mother’s house for Easter! I originally broke things off because he’s too young (26) and too beautiful to continue a long-distant relationship while I foolishly expect him to remain faithful. I’ve done all I can to convince him that it’s forever that I want to be in his life, but not for now, and that we should just stay apart until he’s truly ready. Is he grasping by inviting me to his Mom’s house? Is it a big deal for a man to bring a girl to a family holiday dinner?

It’s a big deal in my family to bring someone to a holiday dinner. I don’t think this is part of the issue but I’m a white, Catholic girl from Maine and he’s the first-born son of a large black Baptist family in Florida. Does this change anything? Even if his family is open-minded, won’t his great grandmother freak out when I reach for her hand during Grace?

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Although families differ, it’s generally considered serious when a date is brought to a traditional family dinner. Although I can understand your reluctance to engage in a long-distance relationship, your guy is obviously struggling with it. Sure, he’s grasping; undoubtedly, he’s wrestling with the whole commitment issue. I suspect a decision to either commit or break it off entirely is not far off. Whatever it is, I hope things work out for the best for the both of you.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Hello, I’m wondering if you can help me. A friend thought she had read an article in the Providence Phoenix about something she called "quick" dating. It’s when you go and meet 20 of so possible dates in a short time period, say, five minutes each. I’m a 52-year-old woman and I’m not really sure how to go about meeting men these days. It’s different for young people because they still hang out with friends. I notice you advise them to go out with friends to places they enjoy to meet like-minded people. At my age, that’s not exactly done. Anyway, if you have any ideas for me or if you know anything about this "quick" dating thing, please let me know. If you could send me the article to which I am referring, I’d really appreciate it.

— Lilly

Dear Lilly,

I searched the archives of the "Out There" columns since the beginning of this year and was unable to find an article (or even a reference to) the "quick" dating method. Perhaps it ran somewhere else in the paper or maybe your friend saw it in another publication. If any of our readers recall seeing this, drop a line to Dr. Lovemonkey and I’ll pass along the information.

While I don’t know anything about this quick dating, a five-minute interview would not seem too different from sizing someone up in any other situation in which you’re spending a short amount of time. In fact, the daily non-structured experience may be more telling since everyone in this "quick" scenario is aware that they’re being scrutinized and are likely to try to be on their best and most charming behavior.

As you indicated, it’s more difficult to meet potential dates or mates when you are older, primarily because so many of the folks in your age bracket have settled down and are not as socially active. Regardless of your age, however, one has to leave the house and involve him or herself in some sort of social endeavor. The best method is to find those social endeavors that you enjoy and are comfortable with. Anything from book clubs to nightclubs, square dancing to volunteer services, is a good possibility if you enjoy it and interacting with others is an inherent component.