The big easy

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I went out with a guy a few weeks ago and we had sex on the first date. I really like him a lot and I really wanted to do it, but I’m worried that maybe this was not a good idea. Is there a rule about this? Is it always a bad idea? So far things have continued to be great and I’m even more impressed and interested in him as time has gone on.

— Wondering

Dear Wondering,

I wouldn’t call it a hard and fast rule, but there are some fairly good reasons for why it’s generally a good idea to take your time before sexual activity commences. Some people are just interested in the quick thrill and developing a relationship might not be on their agenda. The danger is that that you’ll be seen as "easy," disposable, and just a notch in the guy’s belt.

But this isn’t always true. There are plenty of good guys out there and sometimes you can get a sense of this very quickly. How well do you trust your intuition and instincts about a person’s character? If you have found that you’re very good at this, I suspect you have little to worry about. After all, the deed is done. However, most people are not so inherently perceptive and this is why caution and developing a relationship more slowly is usually a better approach.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

There’s this guy who I know from work. Well, I don’t really know him, I just see him all the time. We’ve never really talked, just sort of nodded to each other a few times. I’m really attracted to this guy and soon I’m going to be leaving this office and taking a new job. What I want to know is, would it be inappropriate for me to ask him to lunch, seeing as I don’t really know him or anything? Do you think that I would come out looking like a fool?

— S.J.

Dear S.J.,

Sure, ask him to lunch. He’ll most likely be quite flattered by your attention and this is at least one way to meet him and maybe even get to know him. This guy might not be interested, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. If your instincts tell you that he’s someone you would like, go with them. You don’t want to have regrets because you were reluctant to make a move.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I saw in the news recently where Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears have broken up. Do you think that there is a way that I could meet Britney? I’m sure that if she got to know me, she’d really like me. Obviously this is a difficult and delicate situation. Any suggestions?

— Lonely Stud

Dear Lonely Stud,

I certainly hope that you’re under the age of 24 or so. If you’re older, march right over to a shrink’s office and explain your conundrum. Then go directly to the police station and turn yourself in. I’m sure there are some law enforcement professionals who could help you to come up with some appropriate charges (stalking, perhaps).

If, however, you are under the age of 24, my first bit of advice would be to stop referring to yourself as a "stud." There are not too many females who find this attractive. If you want to meet Britney Spears, it would be helpful to be a major media celebrity yourself, or, at the very least, a multimillionaire.

It’s been my observation that these are the only people who just happen to bump into the likes of major recording and film stars. Civilians, even earnest civilians, who attempt to make contact generally have to figure out how to explain their way past her security detail — whose job is to make sure that she doesn’t come into casual contact with civilians. You should set your sights on meeting people who aren’t in such high demand.