Say goodbye

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

There’s this woman who works with my husband and is continuously coming on to him and flirting. When I asked him about this, he told me he has no interest in her, and that he, as I, find it quite annoying. I believe him and wonder if there’s something I can do about this. He’s up for it, too.

— Seriously annoyed

Dear Seriously Annoyed,

Well, if he’s with you on this, it should be easy. Make sure you’re inseparable the next time this woman shows up. When she tries to butt in, have your husband say, just before giving you a deep and theatrical kiss (and without taking his eyes off you), "You have amused us long enough, Goodbye."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m a freshman in college. I’ve had my eye on a girl in one of my classes for a while now. We only talked a few times, very briefly, but a couple of weeks ago, she offered me a ride home (she has a car and I don’t). Things went really well on the ride home, I mean REALLY WELL. By the time I was leaving the car, we were holding hands and we kissed. I said we should see each other again really soon, and she enthusiastically agreed.

Okay, here’s where I made my big mistake. The next day I called her up and told her I thought we should be going together and that I had never known so quickly that I wanted to be with someone like I did with her. This obviously freaked her out and she was not very forthcoming. I asked her to go out with me a couple of nights later and she said she had some other plans. Then we made plans for the next weekend, and near the end of the week, she called and said she couldn’t make it because of some other party that she was supposed to go to with friends and had forgotten about. Anyway, when I started backing off, thinking that she was yanking my chain, she became a bit more interested.

So that’s where this thing stands. I realize that I probably came on too strong and have been backpedaling ever since. But she seems to be jerking me around and I just wanted to be really upfront with her. She is well worth the effort, absolutely right for me, but I don’t want to get caught up in something where she can’t make up her mind or is just toying with me. Any suggestions?

— T.S.

Dear T.S.,

It could be that that she can’t make up her mind. And since you don’t really know her, I wonder why you believe so strongly that she’s "absolutely right" for you. Continue to back off. She is probably as confused about your behavior as you are by hers. Don’t assume that a real relationship is in progress. Give it a couple of weeks, and when you run into her at school, casually see if she wants to get together for some sort of fun evening, not a full-blown romantic type thing. It’s time to pull back and get to know one another better. You’ll both be more comfortable and less confused by this. If, however, she continues to play hard to get, you’ve got to drop the idea of seeing her, at least for the time being, because she’s not ready for the sort of intensity you’re giving out.

Note: In our March 22 issue, Lilly wrote in, wondering if Dr. Lovemonkey had any information about something called "speed dating" or "quick dating," a practice in which a group of perhaps 15 or 20 people assembles and individuals spend about five minutes talking with each other to gauge interest for a possible date. One reader sends word she saw an article on this topic in the Boston Globe of February 14, and that a search for "speed dating" on the www.boston.com/globe site will lead to the story. Also, Charles F. left a message saying he’d seen an article on the subject in a recent copy of East Side Monthly. Someone else reported a speed dating segment on NBC’s Today show during the week of March 18. Good luck, Lilly.