Just fooling

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Recently I fooled around with a few guys even though I have a boyfriend. I think the reason I did this is because my boyfriend was laid off and he totally neglected me. I’ve told him about this and I don’t know what to do!! He has a job now, is starting to get back on his feet and regaining his same old self, so I’m beginning to let go of my neglected feeling. I really, really love him, but I don’t know if I should tell him about what I did. Nothing with those other guys meant anything nor do I talk to any of them anymore. I don’t want to lose my guy. What should I do?

— S.D.

Dear S.D.,

You told your boyfriend that you felt neglected, so he knows that you were disappointed and unhappy for a certain amount of time. Dr. Lovemonkey does not believe it’s necessary for you to be more specific about your recent behavior. But there are a few things you should know and keep in mind.

There’s always a possibility that your "fooling around" will get back to him or come back to haunt you in some way. If that occurs, you must be upfront and honest about it. The lack of communication with the guys with whom you fooled around is no guarantee that your behavior won’t be revealed.

More important is to realize the falsity and foolishness of your belief that "nothing that I did with those other guys meant anything." It obviously would mean something to your boyfriend, who would feel hurt and betrayed. And it means something to you since you’re fearful that he’ll find out.

There is no such thing as a harmless or meaningless fling when someone is involved in an exclusive relationship.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

This may appear to be a trivial problem, but it’s causing me a lot of discomfort. I have two boys (eight and 11) from a previous marriage. I’m divorced but have been going out with a great guy for the past eight months.

Here’s the story. The circus is coming to town in a couple of weeks. My boys are really excited about going, but my boyfriend, Kyle, won’t go with us because he has what I think is an irrational fear of clowns. He hates and fears clowns and will do anything to avoid coming into contact with one. This includes not going to parades, the circus, or anywhere where there is likely to be a clown.

Is this ridiculous or what? I mean, it’s not going to change the relationship or anything, but I think it’s just really lame that he avoids going to parades and circuses with us. What would you suggest that I say so that he will get past this?

— Disappointed on Diamond Hill

Dear Disappointed,

I’m not certain that there’s anything I can say to help him cope with this. The medical term for your boyfriend’s condition is "coulrophobia," and it’s not so uncommon. Dr. Lovemonkey did a little research and, according to one source, coulrophobia impacts about eight percent of the population.

There’s no specific age range that is affected, nor are there any known economic or social factors that would make one more or less susceptible. There also seems to be no connection between this phobia and whether or not one is aware of the sadistic saga of John Wayne Gacy, the mass murderer from Chicago who dressed as a clown to entertain children (and later, along with Red Skelton, became a prolific painter of clown portraits).

Among other notables, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs is said to suffer from coulrophobia and has a no-clowns clause in his performing contracts. Dr. Lovemonkey believes this is a serious condition. Just think: if coulrophobia became even more widespread, WJAR-TV, Channel 10 in Providence might have to replace weatherman Gary Ley to protect its dominant ratings.