Dirty, rotten lies

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Here’s a really complicated situation. I feel like I’m in junior high all over again! I was dating M for a while, and his friend, K, decided it would be cool to spread lies about us, so that M would break up with me. K told a million people (including M) that I was sleeping with five other guys behind his back, and that M was really in love with K, but just didn’t know it.

She’s come up with many more "stories," but I won’t list them all because they’re endless. I found out later that K was doing this because she was trying to get with M.  M and I eventually broke up, primarily due to this situation. After things settled, I told M what K was really about and he realized that she’s crazy. But that doesn’t stop her from going around, STILL telling a million other people more ridiculous lies. I haven’t confronted K because I realize she’s just crazy and she’ll probably just come up with even more ridiculous lies.

What should I do? Any help is good.

— Troubled in Worcester

Dear Troubled,

Because M readily understood that this woman was a liar and a force for destruction, many others in your network of friends and acquaintances may also be aware of this fact. She is digging her own grave. My only advice would be that you (and M and any of your other friends with an ounce of intelligence) should stay as far away from K as possible. Have nothing to do with her.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

About a year ago, I began corresponding with a man who was serving time for a non-violent white-collar crime. I’ve been to see him a few times, and in the past few months, things have progressed to the point where we’re discussing getting married when he gets out, which will be in three months.

My problem is that I haven’t told any of my family or friends about him and our relationship. I don’t think they would understand and I’m uncertain as to how to break the news to them — especially my mother and father. Have you any ideas on how to bring up this subject with the least amount of conflict?

— In a Quandary

Dear In,

I’d say you have a much bigger problem than breaking the news to your family and friends. This man has been in prison, living in an atmosphere and with conditions that are far removed from those in the outside world. He will be facing some serious adjustment problems when he gets out.

There’s also the fact that your relationship has taken place entirely in the context of him being in prison and you being on the outside. That you have developed a strong relationship within that situation is no guarantee that you will be able to continue to cultivate it when he is released.

I would suggest that you decelerate a bit. Delay the wedding plans for a while and concentrate on the many new and different challenges that both of you will be facing when he gets out. The outcome of some of these challenges is nearly impossible to predict at this time.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

This girl I’ve been seeing recently ended up getting addicted to crack after one of her friends gave her some one night and she didn’t know it. She ended up doing it a few more times before she understood what she was doing and now she’s hooked.

I care about her an awful lot and have offered to pay for her to go to rehab, but she will not take my money. What can I do?

— Worried and Frustrated

Dear Worried and Frustrated,

You can get the hell out of there. Nobody takes crack by accident. If you believe that, maybe you believe that Monica Lewinsky blew Bill Clinton "by accident." It’s not that she won’t take your money — she just doesn’t want to quit or go to rehab now. Tell her you’ll pay for the rehab, but demand that she do it now or you won’t have anything to do with her anymore. That’s about all you can do because, when it comes to addiction, people have to do it for themselves.