Speeding up

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

In March and April 2002 you wrote about "quick dating." You sort of got me thinking and since then I have found a Web site called HurryDate (www.hurrydate.com). There are upcoming events in Boston in January. While the Web site gives a good description, and I am curious, I’m not willing to go until I hear more. Has anyone gone to one of these? What did they think? What about you going, Dr. Lovemonkey, and letting us know how it works out? Does anyone know where they might be doing something like this in Providence?

— Ray

Dear Ray,

Thanks for the info, and, if anyone is planning to attend the upcoming events in Boston, Dr. Lovemonkey would be more than happy to print impressions of "HurryDate." There’s also an outfit called 8minutedating (www.8minutedating.com) that offers something similar in Providence.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going out with a guy for a couple of years and everything is going fine. In the last few months, though, he has mentioned a fantasy he has, and although I’m not a big prude or anything, I am concerned about this. His fantasy is to go to a swingers’ club and watch another couple of total strangers have sex. He assures me that he does not want to participate in the sexual activity, nor does he want me to.

To be honest with you, we occasionally watch porno tapes together (as I said, I’m not a prude) at home and that is sufficient for me, but he is very taken with this idea, telling me it would be like being on the set of the porn movies. I don’t really want to do this, but I’m afraid that if I say no, he’ll go to a swingers’ club by himself and do this alone. What should I do?

— D.S.

Dear D.S.,

If you’re not interested, I think you should just tell him. I wouldn’t be too concerned about him indulging in his fantasy alone. Most swingers clubs that I have heard of have a fairly strict policy of not allowing in single men. Beyond this, you have to consider whether your boyfriend’s sexual adventurousness is something that you can comfortably live with, if, as it seems, you don’t share it. People have a wide range of erotic interests and feelings, and since it sounds like you would like your sexual life to be exclusively with your boyfriend, you have to assess whether his sexual interests and yours are copasetic.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m a 62 year-old-man. I’m not exactly good looking, but I love having sex with younger women (18-35). I’ve been using the personals ads with very little success for the past few years and I’m wondering what the problem is. When I get responses from women, they quickly drop the whole thing and I never hear from them again. Am I doing something wrong? Any advice on what I should do?

— Raring To Go

Dear Raring To Go,

You may have noticed that there are quite often personals in which younger women are looking for older men. This really doesn’t have anything to do with age. This is code for: "I’m pretty much a hooker and looking for a guy with money who will give some of it to me for sex." Your letter seems to indicate that you are a not-too-good looking, 62-year-old, not in the possession of a great deal of wealth. Call me a cynic, but Dr. Lovemonkey believes that the pool of 18-35-year-old women interested in pursuing a no-strings sexual relationship with a homely 62-year-old man, who is short of funds, is rather small. I would suggest you whack off more frequently.