Gathering string

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a divorced man of 45. For the past five months, I’ve been engaged in an on-line relationship with a 36-year-old woman in Europe (I live in the American Northeast). I’ve told her that I’m falling in love with her and she has acknowledged the same.

The problem is getting together. On three occasions, I have made plans to travel to meet her, and something comes up each time and she is unable to meet me. Also, she has e-mailed me digital photos of her bare breasts, but has been unwilling to send me one of her face. This is all very frustrating.

The last time she called off an impending face-to-face meeting, she said it was because her father was very ill, that she had to take care of him, and it would be a pretty much all-consuming task. She also said that this could take some time and she doesn’t think that she’ll be available for a face-to-face meeting for at least six months, though she says that is what she wants to do.

What I want to know is, does this seem odd to you, and do you think that she’s stringing me along?

— Frustrated in New Hampshire

Dear Frustrated,

While I can’t tell you for certain that she is stringing you on, there are a number of things that certainly raise red flags for Dr. Lovemonkey. That she is willing to send photographs of her breasts, but not of her face is pretty suspicious, as are the constant postponements and cancellations.

Much more to the point is the fact that neither you nor she is falling in love. This is a flirtation and an attraction, but you don’t even know that those are her breasts, let alone that she’s actually a 36-year-old unattached woman. For all you know, she could be 13 or 59 and the breasts are attached to her older sister or granddaughter.

If I were you, I’d cool it and start assessing the probabilities. It is more likely than not that there are giant holes in this woman’s story. It may not be a scam, but I’d keep a close watch on my wallet at this point. Pull back and rein in your imagination and you will realize that this is not "love," as you don’t really know this woman at all. Pull way back.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

This is one of those questions that is not about relationships, but polite behavior. Recently, we were invited to dinner at someone’s home and at one point, before the meal was served, my husband asked the hostess, "What’s for dinner?" From my perspective, this is an incredible breach in etiquette, but my husband thought that it was all very innocent. Who is right?

— A Stickler For Proper Behavior

Dear Stickler,

You are correct — asking someone who has invited you for dinner what’s on the menu is not proper etiquette. The phrase, "What’s for dinner?" is really acceptable only among members of the immediate family when dining at home. There is logic behind this: there are only two basic responses when one has been informed about what’s for dinner — "Hey, that’s great. I love it," or "That really sucks" (silence after being told what is for dinner would most certainly be interpreted as a variation on "That really sucks.").

When invited into someone’s home for dinner, the rules of proper etiquette dictate that all commentary on the food should be in the realm of the complimentary.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I live in an apartment complex where there is a common swimming pool. In the warm weather, there are a number of attractive young women who hang out at the pool in bathing suits that are skimpy to the extreme. They might as well be naked. Anyway, I am a man in my mid-50s, and I fear that I may pop a woody at any moment or do something else that might be embarrassing or appear lecherous. Is there some way that I might ask these women to dress a bit more modestly?

— All Shook Up

Dear All Shook Up,

Modern fashion conventions indicate that skimpy bathing suits are acceptable pool-wear. Basically, if you can’t handle it, stay away from the pool.

Send quandaries and questions to rcheeks[a]phx.com.