Timing’s everything

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m not sure if you have an answer for my problem, because it seems to be something that isn’t going to change. My girlfriend, Marie, has a pretty good job that she really likes. The problem is that the hours of the job are very erratic. She ends up working on weekends, some nights, and basically, it’s very difficult for us to get together.

I have a much more traditional schedule and find myself waiting for her all the time. Sometimes we talk on the phone and she tells me that she’s "on her way home" or will "be done soon." This is seldom the case. She knows that I’m frustrated about our scheduling difficulties, but she isn’t about to quit her job and I don’t want her to, either. Can you think of anything that I can do about this?

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

You’re right that there’s very little you can do about Marie’s schedule. Dr. Lovemonkey suspects, however, that one source of tension is how, because you have a less demanding work situation, you constantly end up waiting for her, and after awhile, her expectation is that you’ll be there whenever she has the time. This makes for an unfortunate imbalance.

What you can do is to occupy your time with some other activities and pursuits. This will mean that you won’t always be waiting for Marie (a great source of your frustration for you), providing, perhaps, a bit more balance to the relationship. This won’t provide more time together for the two of you, but her job is what it is. Seeking balance will at least ease some of the frustration for you and it may even make Marie reassess her priorities.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been watching some of the new reality television programs, like Joe Millionaire and The Bachelorette, that seem to be all over the networks these days. Since these are supposedly shows about relationships, I was wondering what you think of these shows.

— Larry G.

Dear Larry G.,

I have to acknowledge that I’ve never seen any of these reality shows (nor have I seen Survivor, Fear Factor, or most of the others). I will confess to having watched one episode of The Osbournes, my curiosity piqued by having met and spent time with Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne on a number of occasions. (This from my radio days when, for about five years, I worked at a station that played some of Ozzy’s music.)

From what I’ve read about the shows you mentioned, I doubt that they have anything to do with what Dr. Lovemonkey would regard as an actual intimate "relationship." Other than that, I have no comment.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going with Dennis for two-and a-half months and we’ve grown very close, very quickly. I have a young son and he has been great with him. We have talked about working toward marriage and everything. That is why I didn’t understand it when Dennis told me that he really didn’t want to meet my parents for Easter dinner. He thinks that this is moving too fast. I just don’t understand, since he’s been wonderful in every other way and we are talking seriously about the future, why he’s so reluctant to meet my parents. What can I do to convince him?

— Help

Dear Help,

Since you’ve been going together for less than three months, Dennis might actually have the right idea. It’s not so much a question about meeting your parents, as it is a matter of slowing down a bit. It seems that Dennis senses that you need to slow down and this is his way of doing it. There will be plenty of time to get to know each other’s families, but you should take things a bit slower here.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rcheeks[a]phx.com.