Tied tubes

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

On Sunday nights, my wife wants to watch the new season of Six Feet Under on HBO while I want to watch that guy who bends his head all the time on Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Each week we have a serious debate on the merits of each. How can we solve this seemingly insolvable problem?

— Larry

Dear Larry,

I like a good waste of time as much as anybody, but with impending war in Iraq, I’m wondering what the hell I’m doing even considering this question. Two thoughts, though: 1) coin toss and 2) two TV sets. In the meantime, remember that numerous reruns are offered of each of these programs. If your marriage is in jeopardy because of this dilemma, you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

In the beginning, I started seeing a man at work. He was married at the time, and although I knew it was not a great idea, he swept me off my feet. He told me that his marriage had been "over" for years, but he had never bothered divorcing his wife because it was as if he wasn’t married. After about six months, I told him that he really had to do something about his marital status or nothing could proceed with us. Again, he hesitated.

I became disenchanted and started a relationship with someone online. It was just a fling, not someone that I could really get serious about, but it was reasonable to me because the man I cared for was not doing anything to make himself available.

Eventually I drifted out of my temporary relationship, and Richard, the married guy, was still there. He continues to give me a great deal of attention, but he also gives me a hard time about my other "fling." I’m not sure if it is because he is trying to do something to even the score or what, but I consider it unfair of him to try and make me feel guilty. He says he’s now seriously considering taking the steps to getting divorced. What do you think?

— Confused

Dear Confused,

I think he’s still married and that you should tell him, "Call me when you’re finally divorced." I wouldn’t bet that he’ll actually go through with it. In fact, I wouldn’t bet on him at all. It might work out, but your story sounds too familiar. You might want to reassess. Until then, I’d make myself scarce and not play into his manipulations.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I got married about two years ago to a guy who has a great love affair with guns. I have a good job and one of his dreams has been to start his own gun shop. He decided to take the plunge and try to set up his own business. For over six months now, I have been the primary breadwinner and he has been (supposedly) trying to set up his business. I’ve been supportive both emotionally and financially.

The problem is that every time I call home to see what’s going on as far as setting up the business, he’s sleeping, watching TV, or running errands that don’t have a whole lot to do with the business. Currently, I’m doing all the supporting and it doesn’t seem that he’s doing much of anything. What can I tell him to put a fire under his butt to get things going?

— Getting Cranky

Dear Getting Cranky,

You have every reason to be getting cranky. This guy sounds like a real piece of work. Tell him he has to start getting a real business plan together, and since you’re doing all the fundraising in the family, he has to start setting specific deadlines for having particular things done. Making ultimatums will be in order if he can’t get even that together. Otherwise, you’re embarking on a life of being used by a lazy, good-for-nothing husband.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rcheeks[a]phx.com.