Beautiful music

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I just started seeing a musician. His band is very successful and tours most of the year. He is extremely charming and attractive. From the moment we met, he seemed very interested in me and he goes out of his way to keep in touch with me from wherever he is, and of course, sees me when he’s in town.

Here is my question: I have read a lot of things on the Internet about how popular the band members are with women. There has even been some speculation about them cheating on their girlfriends.

It’s too early in the relationship to tell where it will go, but what I’d like to know is whether it is possible to develop a real relationship under such circumstances. Can a man in this position (with many ready-and-willing female fans) possibly be trusted? All of my friends say, ÒNo,Ó but he seems like such a great guy and I don’t know why a relationship wouldn’t be possible. I have heard people say that girlfriends of band members have to expect that their men will cheat. Why is it expected? Is it really not possible for a man to control himself in the face of such temptation? I can understand young men wanting to sow their wild oats, but one has to grow up eventually. It’s sad if it’s true that all guys in successful bands cheat, because it seems like they would miss out on the opportunity to develop a meaning and committed relationship.

— J.

Dear J.,

Your friends are a bit too jaded. Indeed, it is possible for an attractive and successful musician to remain faithful. I can tell you this because in the 1970s, Dr. Lovemonkey was in a successful regional band. And although I wasn’t exactly a sex symbol, there were numerous women who let it be known that they were available to me. There were other guys in our band who were better looking and the situation was similar for them.

I can report that when I had a girlfriend, I wasn’t unfaithful to her, nor were a couple of the other guys in the band when they had girlfriends. It is up to you to judge the character of your new friend and decide whether he would cheat. Speculation on the band’s Web site is just that — speculation. It is coming from unverifiable, and in some instances, anonymous sources, and cannot be taken as reliable. There are plenty of men who Òcontrol themselvesÓ in the face of temptation and I hope that your friend is such a person.

Follow your instincts on this. Although celebrity frequently means greater opportunity to cheat, it doesn’t mean that Òeverybody does it.Ó

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

We have close friends who are planning to visit us soon and they are used to bringing their dog with them wherever they go. They consider the dog a regular part of their family, but my husband and I have a problem with it. Even if they bring the dog, is there a tactful way in which I can let them know that I don’t want the dog all over the house, shedding hair, and possibly causing all sorts of disruptions? It’s not that we have allergies or anything, we just don’t want the dog to be ever-present.

— Not A Dog Person

Dear NADP,

Tell your friends, ÒOur home is really not set up for pets and we don’t want to have to worry about it all the time.Ó This lets them know, without your being rude or demanding, that they should find alternative housing for their dog. Hopefully, they will get the message and come up with some sort of solution to the problem.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rcheeks[a]phx.com.