Love letters

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

i find it hard to get boyfriend can u? halp me

— Michelle

Dear Michelle,

While your straightforward, no-nonsense approach is admirable, I need a bit more information to come up with a strategy for you. I’d suggest right off the bat, however, that you look into a little something that Dr. Lovemonkey likes to call "the English language." When the Doctor receives an eleven-word message containing at least six grammatical errors, he finds it necessary to insist on a little remedial work. I know that you can do it, because you’ve already mastered the art of e-mailing. If you write back and give me a few more details about why you’re finding it difficult to attract males, I will see if I can offer some advice. Remember, practice makes perfect, so the more you write, the better you will get.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Last summer, I worked at a rather large company and met a really great looking guy. We flirted a bit, but nothing serious transpired. This summer, I’m going back to the same company, expect to see him again and I’m hoping that this will go further.

The problem is, he’s married and has two young children. I’m pretty sure this is the reason that nothing became of our brief flirtation last year. I don’t know what, if anything, has changed in his marriage, but I sure would like to get together with him this summer. Any ideas on how I could make things happen?

— Ready For Action

Dear Ready For Action,

Haven’t you got something better to do than scheming to ruin someone’s marriage? Get a grip and look for someone who isn’t married, someone who is available. If you go ahead with your plan to try to hook up with this married guy, you might not screw up your life (although chances are that you will), but if you are "successful," you will surely cause much pain and suffering for a number of other people (in other words, this guy and his entire family).

So fuhgeddaboutit.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My fiance has an ex-girlfriend who will just not leave him alone. They had a child together, a little girl who is now four years old, but the ex is constantly involved in his life and I’m getting sick of it. She calls at least twice a week. I know he’s not interested in getting back together with her; he’s already shown me that he has no interest in her. Plus, she is involved in a relationship with another guy, anyway. So it doesn’t have anything to do with jealousy — it’s just that it’s a drag that she is always around. What can I do about this?

— Ann

Dear Ann,

Very little. They are the parents of a child. Their daughter is only four years old, and their talking on the phone a couple times a week, discussing the welfare of their young daughter, does not seem excessive. You may find it irritating, but you should be glad that your boyfriend appears to be a concerned and involved parent.

Look at this from the point of view of the child: Realize that it’s very good that she has two parents who care about her enough to put their differences on hold for her benefit. You should also realize, because they have a child, that your fiancée and his ex-girlfriend will always have some sort of connection. Get used to it. As his daughter gets older, the ex will likely fade from the picture, but their continued communication with each other is a good and important thing for now. I hope you can look at it from this point of view.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rcheeks[a]phx.com