Cold feet

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am in my early 30s and am getting married to in early September. Seemingly, all-of-a-sudden, the "cold feet" have hit! What is a normal level of cold feet? I sometimes wonder if I have a more severe case than most. I love my fiancée, I really do. I know I would be a fool to leave her, but the thought of being single forever, answering to no one, being with other women, and generally living a life of leisure sounds kinda fun! What’s wrong with me?

— Wannabe Playboy

Dear Wannabe Playboy,

You have to think very seriously about this. Discuss it with your fiancée. Do you really want to be married? Married life is very different from single life, as you’ve obviously figured out. Are you interested in having children? Are you committed to a partnership that has new joys and benefits, as well as drawbacks and many, many compromises? I suggest that you both talk to someone who does pre-marriage counseling and discuss the changes that marriage brings — the challenges and rewards. You have to decide if you’re cut out for a lifetime partnership. I wouldn’t exactly describe bachelorhood as "answering to no one, being with other women, and living a life of leisure." Think it over carefully.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My letter is in response to the one sent by Not Ellie May, who was not in favor of her husband’s budding hobby of moonshining. So, you are considering getting married in the next few months, eh? No doubt, they’ll be filled with the kind of hectic and erratic planning that only a wedding can bring. You and yours will be challenged with everything from the bridesmaids’ attire, to "hair practice," in which every nuance of your hair will be dissected and discussed. Consequently, the only thing your man will be concerned with is the question of whether there will there’s an open bar.

My advice to you, Not Ellie May, is simple. Your boyfriend has found something he enjoys and is passionate about. Is this any different from the part-time golfer who dreams of making it big on the PGA tour? Let’s not castrate the man from something that inspires him and obviously makes him happy. God forbid he has a reprieve from the incessant nagging that weddings can afford. You’re talking about getting married here, and a little moonshine operation hardly seems appropriate, but your Elliot Ness to his Al Capone will only bring resentment, and building a lasting relationship with a foundation of envy and spite is not a good idea.

As for you Love Monkey, I am a little disappointed in your advice. What you said about distilling alcoholic beverages being completely illegal was wrong. What is at issue is the quantity of what he is distilling, and I can assure you that even though his project is "first rate," he hardly has the capacity to come close to producing illegal quantities. Only when the quantity guideline is exceeded, would he have to conform to such regulations as distribution and alcohol content.

— Supporter of Jed

Dear Supporter of Jed,

Thanks for the information on alcohol laws. If it is not illegal and someone knows what they’re doing, making amateur moonshine seems an acceptable hobby. However, I do think your tone is a bit harsh. Naturally, the prospective bride and groom have to discuss this further. I appreciate your input.

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