Revolver

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I just broke up with my girlfriend — after finding out that she and my best friend had been planning to get back together. They dated before and had been waiting until they could get everything straight. I think she only dated me to pass the time until my friend was ready. But I don’t want this to ruin my friendship with him. What do you think?

— A.N.

Dear A.N.,

There shouldn’t be any obstacle to continuing your friendship other, perhaps, than your friend’s guilt about running around behind your back with the girl in question. Your letter suggests that you value your relationship with him far more than you valued your relationship with her. Friendship is based on honesty and trust, however, and this seems to be sorely missing in your little triad. You all might want to do some thinking about what friendship really means.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been seeing a number of newspaper articles about something called " speed dating, " in which a lot of different people get together and do brief interviews, looking to meet someone to date. I’m wondering, do you think this is a sound method to meet someone and does something like this really work?

— Lonely & Looking

Dear Lonely & Looking,

Dr. Lovemonkey answered another letter about speed dating a little over a year ago. I would say there are a few distinct advantages to this over " meeting " someone online or in the personals. Most obviously, you actually get to see the prospective date and are not likely to be fooled by false physical descriptions. Also, you get to observe body language and, thus, have a better sense of the other person. If you’re going to have a personal relationship with someone, it’s always better to experience that person " in person. "

On the other hand, talking to someone in person for three minutes is still talking to someone for three minutes. Naturally, you’ll both try to present yourself in the best light possible. This may tell you something, but not very much. If you have good instincts about people and trust in your instincts, you might find the speed dating approach worthwhile, but like everything else, it has its limitations.

In fact, there is no surefire way to meet or find someone desirable. It’s still largely trial and error. A friend recently told me that she tried the speed dating approach, but found virtually all of the other participants to be " boring. " It’s worth a try. At least you know that everyone else is purportedly looking for someone to meet.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend is going off to college in the fall and he’s told me he thinks it would be better if we date other people now because he’s going to be looking into other possibilities and he thinks I should too. I really care about him, and up to now, we’ve had a really good relationship. I was hoping at least that we’d have this last summer together, but I can’t convince him. How can I show him that we should at least stick it out through the summer and see what happens?

— JJ

Dear JJ,

Your boyfriend is breaking up with you and you have to accept this. Move on. There’s no point in trying to convince him that you should have a last summer together, because he’s not interested. He’s already gone. Use the summer to meet other people and to forget about him.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.com