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The user

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been off and on with a guy for more than two years. Things are usually good, but recently they took a big turn for the worse. He had been unemployed for a while (staying with me and having me pay the bulk of the bills). Soon after he got a job, he left, got a place of his own, and said he "needed some time to sort things out."

In the past, when we were having difficulties, he would take off for a few days, but after a while, he’d call (usually late at night, usually drunk) and tell me he loved me, he had been stupid, and that he was coming back, which he did.

Since leaving this time, he has also called late at night, drunk, and told me he loves me, that his current residence was only temporary, and he thought we could work things out. This is raising some red flags with me and I’m not sure what to do. I know he cares for me and I still care for him, but these patterns of behavior don’t seem likely to change. Should I give him the heave-ho or one more chance?

— Frustrated Millie

Dear Frustrated Millie,

You know the answer to the question as well as Dr. Lovemonkey. Give him the heave-ho. He is a serial "user" and his behavior will only get worse if you let him back. That’s because he knows (even if only subconsciously) that you will always be there for him and he can use you any time he wants to. He’s no good and you deserve better.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

What are my chances with Roseanna Arquette now that she’s no longer a big movie and seems to just play character roles on Lifetime movies?

— Lenny in West Warwick

Dear Lenny,

Your chances are about the same as they were when Ms. Arquette was more of a big screen presence. Let me lay it out for you, Lenny: She’s in Hollywood, you’re in West Warwick. She doesn’t know you from Adam, and I suspect she has many "fans," just like yourself, who are smitten with the screen image of a woman they do not know. Becoming a stalker is not exactly a "turn-on" (as they say in Playboy) for any woman. Stay in West Warwick and see if you can strike up a friendship with a real live human being, who you can get to know as a person and not an image from Hollywood. I’m assuming you are over the age of 14 and will realize that this is sound advice.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My neighbors are all pissed off at me because I’ve got a dog that regularly craps on some of their lawns. First of all, this is what dogs do, and I live in a neighborhood where there aren’t any open spaces or parks to take Otto to to do his business. How can I make it right with my neighbors?

— Chad

Dear Chad,

They have these things called "leashes" for dogs. I assume you have one. If not, get one. There are also these things called "plastic bags." They’re in all the stores lately and when you make a purchase, the goods are frequently put into these plastic bags. The idea is to save these plastic bags, so when you go walking with Otto (and do this with the leash, rather than letting him freelance), you can scoop it up with the bag when he pinches a loaf. Dr. Lovemonkey has done this many, many times with his dog, Flora. Then you deposit the plastic bag in a trash barrel somewhere near your house.

Your other option is to potty train Otto, but that can reportedly be rather difficult. Anyway, one of these two options is what good neighbors do (do).

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net