Blow it off

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I just found out that, years ago, my boyfriend used to get blown on a regular basis by a girl who I work with. I’m not sure if I should confront either of them about this. We have a pretty good relationship and I don’t want to (pardon the expression) blow what we have on account of this. What to you think?

— Shocked and Appalled

Dear Shocked and Appalled,

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve had this thing for Angelina Jolie ever since I saw her in that HBO movie about the fashion model who died of AIDS. Anyway, my girlfriend looks quite a bit like Angelina, except for her lips. As you know, Angelina has very large, luscious lips. I’ve been trying to convince my girlfriend to get injections that would make her lips bigger, but she’s reluctant to do so because she fears something will go wrong. My understanding is that this is a very safe procedure. How can I convince her to do it?

— B.S.

Dear B.S.,

What an appropriate sobriquet, B.S., since this is what I think of your suggestion. Dr. Lovemonkey is no expert on the safety of collagen injections, but the desire to have your girlfriend closely resemble your movie star fantasy is inappropriate.

Do you love and care for your girlfriend as herself? If so, then embrace her as she is. Don’t insist that she put foreign matter into her body to have grotesquely large lips. Would you also suggest that she receive breast implants because her chest is not Angelina’s size?

Ms. Jolie is currently single, so perhaps you should just follow your fantasy more straightforwardly, ask her out on a date, and give your girlfriend a break. If your girlfriend really matters to you, do not confuse her with a movie star crush.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was driving down the street the other day, and a pile of money blew out the window of another car. Unfortunately, I couldn’t catch the license plate, but I followed the driver for a while until I lost him. I don’t know if the money blew out the window or if it was thrown it out. It would seem, though, that if it just blew out the window, he would have seen it (it came out the driver’s side).

I went back and picked up the bills (it amounted to between $100 and $150). I’m wondering what to do with this. It’s certainly not mine, but I get the sense that the guy was just throwing it away. I mean, what’s up with that? What is the right thing to do in a situation like this?

— Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,

If you can recall what kind (color, make, model) of car it was, you can put an ad in the newspaper, asking if someone "lost something" while driving along in the area where this happened. There’s an outside chance that you might hear from this person, and if you do, ask them what they lost. If not, you could donate the money to charity. Keeping the money is an option that I don’t think is entirely immoral. Who knows what was going on in this person’s mind? Do what you think is proper (and these are but a few suggestions).

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.