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My boyfriend let me experiment on him with a strap-on. At first he didn’t like it, but now he loves it. Now I want to have sex with another guy and watch [my boyfriend] suck a real cock. How can I get him to try this?

_Pretty Eager Gal

Jesus Christ, PEG! I have plowed years — years! — and thousands of words — thousands! — into convincing straight boys that there’s nothing gay — nothing! — about a woman fucking a man with a strap-on. Whether he’s penetrating her or she’s penetrating him, I told ’em, it’s still straight sex. And people were buying it! (Well, not the editors of Vice magazine, but they’re not human.) And then you come along, PEG, and undo all my good work in less than 50 fucking words! Now every guy whose girlfriend wants to peg his ass is gonna think it’s some vast conspiracy to turn him into a dick-lickin’ bitch. And it is, of course, but we don’t want the straight boys to know that!

I can’t bring myself to answer any more letters this week. I mean, why bother when all my hard work can be undone in an instant by a thoughtless person who can only think about what she wants? So I’m turning this week’s column over to a pack of female-to-male transsexuals. They’ve got some good advice for The Impossible Fantasy, the gay man who’s attracted to "guys with pies," or hypermasculine FTMs, but wasn’t having any luck finding an FTMGWP willing to sleep with him (see Savage Love, November 11). Take it away, gentlemen.

As a gay-identified FTM, my first reaction to TIF’s letter was, "Wow, too bad that guy comes across like such a creep." Given that reaction, I’m not terribly surprised he’s having trouble fulfilling his fantasy. As a public service, I’ll try to unpack (ahem) why that was my reaction.

1) Most transfags are not and do not consider themselves hypermasculine, so that could be part of the problem right there.

2) Even if he isn’t too particular about that aspect, many transfags are, strangely enough, not all that into traditional gender roles, so the hypermasculine requirement is probably off-putting to more people than just me.

3) There are definitely transfags into having sex "up front," as they say, but it’s not something people like to advertise. So initiating contact by saying, "I want to fuck your pussy," may be off-putting.

4) A lot of transfags — not all, but a lot — are into the leather/S&M/other-weird-stuff scene, so if he’s not looking there, that may be another reason he’s not finding many.

5) Like you mentioned, Dan, a lot of transfags feel that finding a gay-identified man who will accept their genital arrangement is a lost cause and aren’t looking all that hard. If TIF is looking mostly in places — Web or real-life — that are geared toward sex and dating, he’s probably not going to run into many transfags. He might have more success making contact through groups with political aims or through support groups.

_Alex

I’m a gay bio-male with a comment for the gay man interested in "guys with pies." Based on what I know of my FTM friends, here’s a suggestion: when you meet a gay/bi FTM, don’t call his genitals by female names. Call it his cock. Treat it like a nice, hot cock. By accepting his body for what he might prefer it to be, you have a better chance at making him want to be with you.

_Charles

If that chap TIF isn’t aware of the porn performer Buck Angel, he should be. He’s exactly what TIF is looking for.

_Keefer Reefer

Holeeeee shiiiiiiiiiiit.

I Googled "Buck Angel," checked out his Web site, and then had to spend the rest of the day in a dark room with a cold compress over my eyes. Like, wow. If ever there was proof that there’s someone out there for everyone, hypermasculine FTM porn star Buck Angel is it. (Check Buck out at http://www.buckangel.com/.) He’s just the thing TIF has been looking for — just the thingless thing, I should say. Enjoy, TIF.