E-Mail This Article to a Friend Call boy concerned

Here’s my problem: I got fired from my job at the beginning of the summer and, long story short, ended up escorting to pay the bills. Being a call boy in New York turned out to be not nearly as bad as I expected. In fact, it was fun. I was safe (condoms, worked through a Web listing, always let someone know where I was), the work was easy, I met fascinating people, and made a lot of money. I had a great summer.

Now I’m back at college in Rhode Island. I maintained contacts with a few of my clients and I visit New York a few times a month to keep up an income. At school I met this cute boy. I’ve been seeing him for about a month now and I’m thinking I want to date him more seriously. Trouble is, Dan, he doesn’t know what I do for a living. He’s a freshman, he’s sane, he’s the sweetest kid, and I’m afraid telling him will ruin everything. So, what is your advice to working boys who would also like to have a love life? I could hide it, but is that the smartest option? And if I do tell the kid, what should I say?

_Prostitutes Need Love Too

Telling him might ruin everything, PNLT, but not telling him will definitely ruin everything.

That his boyfriend is putting himself through school by having sex for money is just the sort of thing that any sweet, sane boy (SSB) would feel he has a right to know before things get serious. Hell, he has a right to know before things get sexual. Even if he doesn’t have a problem with sex work morally — even if he thinks what you’re doing is alluringly sex-radical — he’ll resent the fact that you kept it from him on principle, i.e. the cover-up may be worse than the crime.

Don’t get me wrong, PNLT: I don’t think there’s anything immoral about prostitution. I have friends who are prostitutes and I think it should be legalized. But there are certain risks that sex workers assume — increased risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), primarily. As the lover or potential lover of someone who does sex work, SSB also faces a higher risk of STIs. If you’re not honest with SSB about what you’re doing, you’re imposing that risk on him without his consent. That makes you a very naughty hooker, PNLT, as SSB has a right to make up his own mind about this risk. So you need to tell him. How should you tell him? "I have sex with a handful of men — regulars all — to pay the bills" should cover it.

STRAIGHT-RIGHTS UPDATE: After secret meetings with the right-wing American Family Association (AFA), Ford Motor Company agreed to pull its advertising from gay publications and cease sponsoring gay events in order to avoid a threatened boycott. What does this have to do with straight rights? The same AFA fucks intimidating Ford on the gay issue are the same fucks intimidating retailers like Target into denying women access to morning-after pills. They’re the same assholes trying to stop the Feds from approving a vaccine for two strains of HPV. (The HPV vaccine — already tested and 100 percent effective — could save thousands of women’s lives every year.) When the AFA successfully attacks gay rights it only emboldens their attacks on straight rights. So gay or straight, the AFA is your enemy.

What can you do? Call Ford dealers in your area and let them know that you won’t be buying a Ford after this. (A list of Ford dealers broken down by state can be found on Americablog: http://americablog.blogspot.com/2005/12/contact-your-local-ford-dealership.html.) And while you’ve got ’em on the phone, ask them what Ford was so afraid of. The AFA’s boycott of Disney was called off after nine years because it wasn’t working. When the AFA threatened Kraft, the execs at Kraft told the haters from the AFA to go fuck themselves. But what did Ford do when the AFA threatened them? The "Built Ford Tough" boys collapsed into a puddle. "Ford Puff" needs to hear from people who won’t buy cars from companies that cave in to right-wing hate mongers. And when your local Ford dealer tells you that he or she didn’t make this decision, tell them they had better yell at Ford HQ and get this decision reversed. Microsoft caved to right-wing Christian bullies, and then reversed itself. Ford can too.