A VERITABLE sports bonanza is on tap for local, national, and international viewers this weekend. Almost makes you wish for lousy weather so you can justify parking yourself on the chaise longue to take in all the action, particularly on Saturday. Let’s take a look at what's on the menu.

Football (not the American kind): everywhere but here in the US, football is the term — and the game — of choice. Soccer, that is. If you don’t have any interest in the World Cup currently under way in the Far East, then go ahead and skip ahead to the next entry. It’s your prerogative, and one exercised by the majority of American sports fans. However, even though we rebel against traditions popular elsewhere (i.e., the metric system among others), we must understand that the majority of our yoots (did you say yoots?) — er, youth, are playing this most inexpensive of games. In time, this game will become a US spectator’s staple. Someday. Anyway, the fact that the US defeated Portugal in the World Cup is a big deal. Waa-aa-y big deal. You should take a look. Because with this victory, the Americans now have within their grasp an opportunity to move to the final round of 16 teams in the tournament — a feat that was unfathomable just a few years ago when the team finished dead last in the most recent of these quadrennial get-togethers. If the US can just tie one of the next three games within their bracket (and they’ve already beaten the toughest member of the group), they will reach a level of respect within the sporting world that was completely unexpected, and which bodes well for the future of the sport here in the US. The US doesn’t play its next game (against host co-host country South Korea) until Tuesday — set your alarm for 2:30 a.m. — but over the weekend, you can perhaps tap into your heritage and root on Italy in its match against Croatia (5 a.m. Saturday kickoff), or maybe even take in Brazil-China, assuming that you take it easy Friday night and are ready to crack that first Tsingtao at 7:30 a.m.

• Next up is tennis, at 11 a.m., the French Open finals between the Williams sisters, Serena and Venus. It’s mind-boggling that for the second grand-slam tournament in the last three, two women from the same household are playing for the title. What are the odds? Of all the female tennis players in the world, the two best probably played with the same Barbies? And is the post-match party a blow-out or reserved, so as not to hurt the losing sibling’s feelings? And for whom do the family members root? Do they sit on their hands and just cheer the hope that neither player pulls a hamstring? Should be a good match; I’m rooting for that Williams chick.

• Closer to home, and at least in the same time zone, is the marquee baseball match-up of the weekend, the national telecast of the defending world champion, the Arizona Diamondbacks, against our hometown heroes, the Red Sox. Not only would it be a good game just to see how the two squads’ talent matches up, but you’ve got arguably the two best pitchers in baseball atop the mounds tossing heat. Former Sox farmhand Curt Schilling goes for the Snakes, and the pride of the Dominican, Pedro Martinez, goes for the snake-bitten Sox, who enter the weekend with the best record in the majors. The Williams sisters should be done with their battle just in time for the opening pitch at Fenway, round about 1 p.m. If you’ve got a dish, you can also check out how the pinstripers are doing in their afternoon match-up against all-around sweetheart Barry Bonds and the San Francisco Giants.

• The ponies are also running in the Big Apple this weekend, as the third jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown is run at Belmont Park. There is significant interest here because War Emblem is in line to become the first horse to win since Affirmed captured the Crown in 1979. You’ll probably have an hour’s worth of nap time between the end of the Sox game and the time the Belmont Stakes loads up its paddocks. Somehow, after the glory of Secretariat, Seattle Slew, and Affirmed, a no-name, out-of-the-blue stallion like War Emblem doesn’t figure to join those aforementioned legends in the annals of the sport of kings, but it should nonetheless be a great race to tune in to.

• I know, you’re fading fast, but next up is game three of the Stanley Cup Finals. You can’t miss this, especially since it’s based in that hockey hotbed, Raleigh, North Carolina! This best-of-seven series is square at one, with the Carolina Hurricanes — once our own beloved Hartford Whalers — hosting the prohibitive favorites, the Detroit Red Wings. The Wings are aiming for their third Stanley Cup in the last six years, after going 40 years without one. The Western Conference’s top seed had an early scare in the first round of the playoffs, dropping the first two games at home to the eighth seed before sweeping the next four, then eliminating the always-underachieving Blues in five games in round two.

They looked dead in the third round against defending Cup champs Colorado — trailing three games to two going to Denver — but the Wings won in OT in game six and blitzed the Avalanche, 7-0 in the clincher. The Hurricanes are the unexpected visitor to the ball, and they certainly benefited from playing in a weak division (and thus earning a three seed despite collecting only the seventh-best point total). They also got some breaks when the top two seeds fell in the opening round, and thus had only to beat the six seed, the eight, and then a beat-up four to reach the finals. But here they are, knotted at a game apiece after having stolen an OT win in Detroit last week. Can Carolina win the Cup? Can Mike Tyson act like a sane person? Next!

• The final event of the day’s sports extravaganza will take place in beautiful downtown Memphis, home of the former Vancouver NBA franchise, the Grizzlies. The closest you’ll see to a grizzly in Memphis is the grisly finish we hope is in store for psychopath extraordinaire Mike Tyson at the hands of Brit Lennox Lewis, in their heavyweight prizefight. Boxing is probably the most corrupt and political of all sports, and this fight should draw in a ton of pay-per-view spectators, despite the fact that Tyson has no business being in this fight in the first place. Lewis has earned his spot here; he has taken out Evander Holyfield and nearly every other major contender the sport has offered up in recent years. Tyson has not had a brand-name opponent since he chewed on Holyfield’s lobes back in 1997. He is here because people want to see him, and the potential for explosive mayhem inside and outside of the ring. Tyson’s ring record since losing to the inimitable Buster Douglas 12 years ago does not justify his fighting for the heavyweight crown, but here he is — in Memphis, because he couldn’t get licensed anywhere else in this proud land due to extracurricular antics. I cannot wait to see this punk go down. Unlike some of his prior bouts, Lewis should be able to focus on this fight, and use his six-inch reach and height advantage to take out, once and for all, this classless fraud. The fight itself may not be worth the 50 bucks you’ll have to shell out to watch it on cable, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Tyson pulls off another outrageous stunt that will not only confirm his legacy of bizarro behavior, but probably guarantee a big-money rematch down the road.

And that’s just Saturday.

Where to see 'em:

• The Italy-Croatia World Cup soccer game is on ESPN2;

• The China-Brazil World Cup soccer game is on ESPN;

• The tennis match is on NBC (Channel 7);

• The baseball game is on FOX (Channel 25);

• The horse race is on NBC (Channel 7)

• The hockey game is on ABC (Channel 5)

• The boxing match is on pay-per-view (contact your local cable company).

Sporting Eye runs Mondays and Fridays at BostonPhoenix.com; Christopher Young can be reached at cyoung[a]phx.com.