I can already hear you now. What is this guy doing making predictions on the upcoming football season? Didn’t we read him over the spring and summer as he incorrectly picked the Hoosiers to win the NCAA Final, the Bruins to beat the Canadiens, the Celtics to topple the Nets, and the Red Sox to capture the wild card? What in the heck does he know about football, or for that matter, anything else?

Good point. So let’s get right to the previews and predictions.

Oh, wait. Before we address the specific teams, be aware, if you’re not already, that the NFL has now realigned its conferences, so that the AFC and NFC will now each have four divisions of four teams each. This became easy when the Houston Texans were welcomed as an expansion team, making for an easy-to-divide-up 32 teams in two 16-team conferences. The only major changes for the individual teams involved the Indianapolis Colts moving out of the AFC East (joining Jacksonville, Tennessee, and Houston in the AFC South), Arizona rightfully moving from the NFC East to the NFC West, and former AFC West resident Seattle switching clear over to the other conference, now taking up space in the NFC West along with the Cards, Rams, and 49ers.

(As far as rules changes go, the only significant alteration is the one that wasn’t made: to the " tuck " rule, which became infamous in the AFC semifinal winterfest between the Patriots and the Raiders. The grand poobahs of the rules committee merely confirmed the rule’s existence and its enforcement, and moved on without changing the rule whatsoever.)

Now, on to the preview.

In the AFC East, which lost Indy but kept its main combatants intact, everybody else is talking about either the New York Jets or the Miami Dolphins to win it. Well, I don’t know about you, but any NFL franchise that depends on a nearly-39-year-old quarterback who has yet to lead his team deep into the playoffs in 15 seasons is not worth hitching your hopes to. Yeah, Curtis Martin will again shoulder the load, but he’s taken a lot of hits over his seven-year career, and if he goes down, the Jets are done. Miami added running back Ricky Williams to its offensive arsenal, but they still have a Dartmouth grad quarterbacking the team, and I’m sorry, but I can’t bring myself to believe in Jay Fiedler. The Patriots shut down Williams when he was part of the Saints team that got rocked in Foxborough last November, and I think Ricky will be under unbelievable pressure from the Fishstick fans to return the team to its glory days (which, if you can believe it, extend back to its last Super Bowl appearance — in 1985! Last ring? 1974. Sheesh). And he ain’t good at pressure, let me tell you. The Dolphins always have trouble when the weather gets cold, too, and this December they’ll finish the season at Buffalo, home against 2002 playoff contenders Chicago and Oakland, then on the road at Minnesota and New England. That could be at least four losses right there.

Buffalo certainly upgraded from Rob Johnson with its addition of former Patriot Drew Bledsoe, but he’s going back in time to a shaky defensive line, and you know what that means: twinkle toes and INTs. The Bills will be improved, no doubt, and they’ll give everybody they face a tough game, but in this division, they are most likely headed for fourth place (an improvement over last year’s fifth-place finish, but only because the Colts moved out). As far as our hometown heroes go, the Patriots will have a much tougher schedule to deal with this season, with tilts against Pittsburgh, the Jets (twice), the Dolphins (twice), Green Bay, Denver, Chicago, Oakland, Minnesota, and Tennessee. Yikes. Like last year, if Tom Brady goes down to injury, New England has a capable back-up at the ready in former Fin Damon Huard. If Troy Brown goes down, however, a division crown is unlikely.

Prediction: New England 10-6, Miami 10-6, NYJ 9-5, Buffalo 7-9.

AFC South: Houston will be a pretty good expansion team, kind of like Carolina a few years back, but they’ll still get BBQed on occasion. Indianapolis recruited former Buccaneer coach Tony Dungy to take the reins, and he’ll no doubt improve the team’s defense, which has been deplorable in recent years. Peyton Manning and Edgerrin James should continue to generate offense, and the Ponies are particularly grateful not to have to face Bill Belichick and the Pats twice a year anymore. Jacksonville is in big trouble, and I wouldn’t be surprised if drill sergeant Tom Coughlin is the first coach to be axed this year. Tennesee should rebound from its non-playoff year to be a solid contender again, particularly if Steve McNair and Eddie George can remain healthy, but those are tremendously dicey assumptions.

Prediction: Tennessee 11-5, Indianapolis 10-6, Jacksonville 5-9, Houston 3-13.

AFC North: Baltimore is still hurting from its salary-cap implosion following its Super Bowl win of a year ago, and the exodus of free agents has significantly reduced the Ravens’ depth. Every year we think Cincinnati will be better, and they very well may be, but the Bengals still have Gus Frerotte as their starting QB, and they have to play the rest of their division foes twice this year, so that’s most likely six losses right there. The rest of their sked is a relative cakewalk, but they’ll be cellar-dwellers again — not an unfamiliar spot. A lot of prognosticators like the fortunes of the Cleveland Browns, who have an exciting young quarterback, a tremendously successful coach, and a solid fan base and a second-year stadium. Watch for the Browns to be in the wild-card hunt all season long because their non-division schedule is tasty. Finally, the Pittsburgh Steelers are still the AFC Champs and the runner-up in the Super Bowl, so they cannot be dismissed. What’s that? They weren’t the AFC champs? Why do they keep talking and strutting as if they were? Their defense is top-notch, and their kicking game should be improved, but if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Kordell Stewart does not have the goods to lead this team to a title, and I’m certain that newly-slimmed-down Jerome Bettis will be hampered by " Groin Pains " before October is up. You watch.

Prediction: Pittsburgh 12-4, Cleveland 9-5, Baltimore 7-9, Cincinnati 5-11.

AFC West: Denver’s Broncos will be without RB Terrell Davis again. So what else is new? Brian Griese will eventually feel some heat from backup QB Steve Beuerlein, courtesy of the impatient Bronco faithful, and Denver has a tough schedule, particularly early. Kansas City reportedly has some team dissension, and second-year coach Dick Vermeil is probably past his prime in terms of leading such a young, talent-starved team. Oakland, also still whining and kvetching about their fate in the AFC playoffs, has a new coach in Bill Callahan, but they still have a nearly-37-year-old QB in Rich Gannon running the show, and an aging roster. This is probably the Raiders’ last big chance, however, since their salary-cap problems will be devastating in 2003. Mark your calendar, though: New England at Oakland on November 17th — don’t put it past Raider fans to plan ahead and bring freezer-made snowballs into the stadium to launch at the visiting Pats. San Diego has made the smart choice by going with second-year QB Drew Brees over the aging Doug Flutie, and I expect that the Chargers will significantly improve under veteran coach Marty Schottenheimer. This team is the rising star in a rough-and-tumble division, and could sneak into a playoff spot if the Broncos or Raiders falter. Prediction: Oakland 10-6, Denver 8-8, San Diego 8-8, KC 4-10.

NFC East: A very interesting divisional tussle is forecast among these teams. Washington already had established a solid foundation last season even before it lured University of Florida coach Steve Spurrier to work his magic in DC. The Redskins’ 3-1 preseason was marked by explosive offensive numbers (until they ran into the Pats), and if anything the team will be entertaining. Philadelphia should be the team to beat in the division, however, as the Eagles made it to the NFC title game last year and almost beat the Rams in St. Louis in that game. The Eagles’ hopes rest squarely on the shoulders of mercurial QB Donovan McNabb, and if he stays healthy, the Eagles will go a long way. Dallas will be okay, but they still have QB problems, and an aging Emmitt Smith in the backfield. Finally, the Giants — just a year removed from a Super Bowl appearance — hope that the addition of rookie receiver Jeremy Shockey can take the pressure off of overused RB Tiki Barber, and that Kerry Collins can spark a team usually lacking in offensive spark.

Prediction: Philadelphia 11-5, Washington 9-7, New York 8-8, Dallas 6-10.

NFC South: God, what a boring division. Can we skip it? Okay, let’s just get it over with quickly then. Tampa Bay, under former Raider coach Jon Gruden should be a little more exciting offensively, but that’s not saying much. We’ll see how Gruden’s style works on a lumbering team like the Bucs. Carolina, also under new leadership, will continue to stink. New Orleans quit on coach Jim Haslett late last year, and in the absence of a coaching change, and throwing in the departure of running back Ricky Williams, bad karma could continue despite the presence of flashy RB Deuce McAllister. Atlanta will put its faith in second-year QB Michael Vick to do that Donovan McNabb-type thing, but as the Patriots proved last year, Vick can be contained, and the rest of the squad is not all that imposing.

Prediction: Tampa Bay 11-5, Atlanta 8-8, New Orleans 7-9, Carolina 4-12.

NFC North: Green Bay’s chance to return to the pinnacle of the game depends on the health and success of one person: Terry Glenn. And that, my friends, is a scary presumption, because the noted New England head case could very well lead the Pack back to the Big Game if he performs up to expectations. On the field, that is. The rest of the squad is in place for a great year, but Glenn and his offensive weapons could potentially vault the Cheeseheads over the Rams, Eagles, 49ers, you name it. But that is the mother of all " ifs. " Chicago will be in the thick of things, but every game will feel like a road game, since Soldier Field renovations have forced the team to play its home games in Champaign, at the University of Illinois’s field. What this means is a 156-mile plane ride to Decatur, plus a 50-mile bus ride for each home game. That’ll cost ’em, methinks. Detroit, in a brand new stadium and with a rookie QB (Joey Harrington), will play hard but still lack in overall talent. Predicting what Minnesota will do is a real crapshoot, but as long as Randy Moss plays for them, I’ll root against them.

Prediction: Green Bay 12-4, Chicago 10-6, Minnesota 7-9, Detroit 4-12.

NFC West: The Rams, like the Raiders and Steelers, are still stewin’. Who are they mad at? Our lovable, huggable Patriots, that’s who. The Rams think they are the rightful Super Bowl champs, and they very well might be again soon, but right now they’ve got a chip on their collective shoulders the size of Gibraltar. They’ll be unlikely to take anyone lightly again anytime soon. Therefore, their ticket — barring the complete absence of any typical Terry Glenn shenanigans — is pretty much punched for San Diego already. San Francisco has enough talent and depth to snag a wild-card spot, but Seattle will continue to underachieve under GM/coach Mike Holmgren, and the Arizona Cardinals will struggle to achieve the level to which they are accustomed — pathetic.

Prediction: St. Louis 14-2, San Francisco 11-5, Seattle 7-9, Arizona 5-11.

Projected conference title games: New England-Pittsburgh, Green Bay-St. Louis.

That’s as far as I’m going to go in the prediction business, since my past record haunts me like the specter of Calvin Schiraldi walking in from the bullpen on 10/25/86.

In the meantime, unless the Patriots media-relations staff has a change of heart and in so doing breaks mine, I’ll be in the Gillette Stadium press box for Monday night’s, and every other New England home game the rest of the season. Don’t expect the same boring quotes you’ll see in every other recap column; " Sporting Eye " will take you behind the scenes for the nitty-gritty of the defending champs’ upcoming season.

It’s the least that we can do, now that the Red Sox have broken with the union and decided to implement a work stoppage of their own. I did care about them — that’s D-I-D did — but a team with heart is a much better story to cover, don’t you think?

Sporting Eye runs Mondays and Fridays at BostonPhoenix.com, and Christopher Young can be reached at cyoung[a]phx.com