Well, the all-pirate Super Bowl is here. The only two teams that have even a hint of villainy to them are present in San Diego: the Buccaneers, who include a skull and crossbones on their logo, and the Raiders, who feature a nasty-looking helmeted crusader sporting an eye patch, with a pair of crossed swords behind his dastardly visage.

No jingoistic-patriotic themes or cuddly woolly animals facing off in this year’s big game. It’s the bad guys against the bad guys, with a definitive lack of character guys and Cinderella stories prevalent. What we have here are two teams that are full of themselves, replete with rosters full of cocky jackasses, cheap-shot artists, and borderline-petty criminals, along with a dash of whining crybabies thrown in.

So which do you root for? Which team is the lesser of two evils?

Many years ago, a friend of mine — a notorious Cowboys-hater, of which there are legions nationwide — faced the prospect of a Dallas-Pittsburgh Super Bowl by jokingly hoping that the two team planes would somehow crash into each other en route. Certainly a morbid hope, but anyone who has lived through the recent sports past remembers enduring the inane antics, but also the unchallenged successes, of the Cowboys, Yankees, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Miami Hurricanes, and Detroit Pistons, and knows how difficult it is to see a bunch of thugs and cretins rewarded with world-championship rings.

Similarly, a team full of men of questionable character and values will indeed wear the NFL crown as of 10:30 p.m. Sunday night, and to have a rooting interest in the game, one must make a choice.

You can root for one team, or merely root against one.

To help you decide your viewing strategy, here’s what we’ve got.

Everyone knows about how Oakland was supposedly jobbed in last year’s playoffs by the enforcement of an obscure rule at a critical juncture in last year’s AFC playoff semifinal in snowy Foxborough last January. No matter that the Raiders blew a 13-3 fourth-quarter lead and had many opportunities to win in regulation in the game’s latter stages; no matter that if they hadn’t dropped the last four games of the regular season, they wouldn’t have had to travel to New England at all that night. The fact remains that the team and its supporters have whined and complained the entire year thereafter about the unfairness of it all, and they seriously believe that their team would be defending its title on Sunday if not for the refs screwing them over that wintry night. The Raiders therefore enter Supe XXXVII with a granite-size chip on their collective shoulders as they strive for redemption, liberty, and justice for all. Amen.

Oakland is coached by Bill Callahan, a nice enough young fellow who was vaulted to the head-coaching job when last year’s coach, Jon Gruden, was "sold" to the Buccaneers for two first-round and two second-round draft picks, plus a cool $8 million cash. I’m not necessarily rooting against either one of these coaches, but the fact that they’re facing each other under these circumstances makes for a fascinating match-up.

As far as rosters go, Tampa Bay’s foundation and strength are its defense, which was the top-ranked unit of the NFL’s 32 teams this past season, with the league’s best pass defense and third-best rushing defense. Seven times, the Bucs’ defense held its opponent in single digits, and it gave up more than 20 points in regulation only twice in 16 regular-season games. The unit was molded under former coach Tony Dungy, who always had a solid D but rarely got enough offense to carry Tampa deep into the playoffs. Defensive end Warren Sapp is the long-time leader of the defense, although he’s yapped more than he’s produced this season, particularly at playoff time, and he’s one of those guys who you wish would take some humble pills just once in a while.

Quarterback Brad Johnson is in his seventh year as a starter, his third with the Bucs. He was a bright light on some dismal Vikings and Redskins teams during his first few years, but those who underestimate his ability need only go back two years to see that journeyman Trent Dilfer actually became a Super Bowl–winning QB as well. Backing up Johnson, should he go down, is another Johnson — Rob — who consistently underachieved as a member of the Buffalo Bills, but who is capable of occasional good things if he is pressed into duty. Let’s hope he’s not.

Running back Michael Pittman escaped the doldrums of Arizona Cardinals football to become a significant contributor for Tampa this year, and fullback Mike Alstott has always been easy to root for during his seven productive seasons barreling through the holes created by the Bucs’ offensive line. Catching the ball the most frequently is another constant irritant, Keyshawn Johnson, who was a cocky jerk when he played for the Jets, and is no less so now that he plays in the Sunshine State.

Overall, this is a nice story for the Tampa Bay fans, who endured electric-orange uniforms, an 0-14 inaugural 1976 season, an NFL-record 26-game losing streak, and only two visits to the NFC championship game prior to this season. This is the franchise’s first visit to the Super Bowl in its 27th season of play.

On the other side of the ball, we have the Raiders. The Raiders’ motto is "Commitment to Excellence," but considering Oakland’s long tradition of success, it may be surprising to learn that the Raiders have been in only four Super Bowls prior to this one (the "Commitment to Not Embarrassing Ourselves" Patriots have been in three), although it’s worth noting that they’re on a three-game Super streak (after losing their first, in 1968).

It’s fairly safe to say that there is no more-hated team in football than the Raiders, and they thrive on that. It’s no surprise that their primary team color is black, that they are traditionally the most-penalized team in the league, and that the majority of the renegade element of the sport is perpetually drawn, and welcomed, to Al Davis’s franchise. Most of the fraternity of the Silver & Black feel as much at home in a Raiders uniform as they would in a colorful jumpsuit at nearby Alcatraz.

Davis has earned a lot of this enmity himself, as he bolted Oakland in 1982 for Los Angeles, thus creating havoc and outrage in the Bay Area, only to move the team back 13 years later when the NFL refused to let him build a new facility in LA. He has sued the league several times, and as recently as three years ago continued to hint that he might move the team back down to its previous home if sufficient renovations to the Oakland Coliseum weren’t made.

While the team has its share of top-flight citizens, including 40-year-old treasure Jerry Rice and fellow future Hall of Fame receiver Tim Brown, it also has cocky receiver Jerry Porter, arrogance personified in quarterback Rich Gannon, obnoxious (and trouble-magnet) place-kicker Sebastian Janikowski, and one of the game’s dirtiest players, Bill Romanowski, on defense. In addition, it has the aforementioned collection of crybabies who refuse to make peace with their 2002 playoff loss to the Patriots, along with some of the most insufferable fans in all of football.

The Raiders nonetheless boast the top-ranked offense in the NFL, the AFC’s sixth-best defense, the league MVP in Gannon, a solid running back in Charlie Garner, and four different receivers who collected 50 or more passes in 2002.

After a 4-0 start, the Raiders dropped their next four to fall to 4-4 heading to Denver on November 10. After thrashing the Broncos, 34-10, that Monday night, Oakland managed to nail six of its next seven to win the tightly fought AFC West with an 11-5 record. They then manhandled both the Jets and Titans in the playoffs to advance to their first Super Bowl in 20 years. It may also be their last for a while, because the team is reportedly around $50 million over the salary cap as of next season. Therefore, big changes will have to be made in the roster during the upcoming off-season, which will certainly mean the departure of numerous valuable components of this year’s AFC champion.

The Bucs and Raiders have had two common opponents this year: Oakland beat the host Steelers, 30-17, in week two, while the Bucs lost at home to the Steelers in week 15, 17-7; and the Raiders lost at the pitiful Rams, 28-13, in week five, while the host Bucs tripped up the Lambs, 26-14, in week three.

Will the league’s top-ranked offense tire out the league’s top-ranked defense, or will the Tampa D frustrate Oakland’s offensive firepower? Will Gruden’s knowledge of his old team help him to pinpoint weaknesses, or have the Raiders figured out a way into their former coach’s head and game plan? Will Tampa celebrate the city’s first professional championship of any kind, or will the Raiders’ cretinous fans get the chance to torch their city — and then most likely cross the Bay Bridge and wreak mayhem and bedlam on neighboring San Francisco as well?

I’m not sure how gung ho I am about rooting for the East Coast pirates, but I’m damn sure about which set of heathens I’ll be rooting against.

Nonetheless, my gut says Raiders 21, Buccaneers 20, with the Evil Empire again triumphing over the forces of (comparative) good.

You there, chomping on that Ghirardelli chocolate bar on Fisherman’s Wharf: run for your life!

Sporting Eye runs Mondays and Fridays at BostonPhoenix.com. Christopher Young can be reached at cyoung[a]phx.com