E-Mail This Article to a Friend Xmas Caroling The ghosts visit Ebenezer Martinez BY CHRISTOPHER YOUNG

Pedro Martinez’s tactless exit from the Red Sox should not have been surprising to fans of the Dominican superstar. After all, Pedro had long made a habit of unappreciative and diva-like behavior, so the fact that he burned so many bridges behind him was stunning but not unexpected.

When pampered athletes act in this manner, we ordinary folks yearn to (metaphorically) slap them upside the head and knock some common sense into them. Alas, not only do we rarely get the chance to inflict this kind of tutorial "advice," but most likely it wouldn’t be heeded anyway.

What the newest Met, the ingrate Martinez, needs right now, as he sits under that mango tree in the Caribbean, is a visit from Charles Dickens’s three ghosts. While Ebenezer Scrooge’s old business partner, Jacob Marley, may not be available for this morality tale, maybe we can enlist Bob Marley to introduce the trio of spirits.

Ghost of Xmas Past: Pedro, you have done much good for the baseball fans of New England, but you seem to have forgotten all the controversy that your pitching heroics overshadowed during your seven years here. Have you forgotten about showing up your manager and teammates by arriving late at spring training each March? What about leaving early at each All-Star break and heading south? You indeed were the ace of the staff and one of the Sox’ best-ever hurlers, but until this year you ended up on the DL or routinely missed starts because of arm trouble. In 1999, you were magnificent in the All-Star game at Fenway, but you overthrew during your two innings of work, got shelled in your next outing, and missed significant time. Your work in game five of the ALDS against the Tribe was also marvelous. A year later, however, you threw a hissy fit when you showed up late for a game you were starting and got benched by skipper Jimy Williams. You made it seem as if he were in the wrong, not you. Arm trouble limited you to just 18 starts in the next year, but you collected your $13 million salary anyway — even as you complained about your disrespectful treatment. In fact, during most of your stay in Boston, you were baseball’s highest-paid pitcher. The team paid you more than $90 million overall, but you still felt the need to backstab the front office on the way out. What about demanding your $17.5 million contract extension in the spring of 2003, despite the fact the team didn’t need to trigger it until that fall? Again, you got your way and were paid in full, but it wasn’t enough. Worse, you embarrassed Sox fans everywhere with your behavior during game three of last year’s ALCS, when your headhunting of Karim Garcia eventually triggered an all-out brawl, culminating with you tossing septuagenarian Don Zimmer to the Fenway turf. And what about this past season: leaving the park early on Opening Day (claiming you didn’t know that was verboten despite a decade-long career), refusing to negotiate an extension during the season, and then insisting the Sox were responsible for your departure?

Ghost of Xmas Present: Now you have your four-year, $53 million deal. Congrats. But you are leaving a world champion to go to a 71-91 team whose projected 2005 starters were all roughly .500 or below last year. Furthermore, the team boasts an offense whose only legitimate hitters are Mike Cameron (.231 in 2004), Mike Piazza (.266), and Cliff Floyd (.260). The Mets have been last in two of the past three seasons, and haven’t won the NL East since 1988. That’s a better situation? And guess what? For a guy who’s 34th career in total hit-by-pitches, how are you going to like swinging the bat again? No DH in the NL, so you’ll have to face the music should you continue to throw high and tight. And it’s nice that your new deal gets you a hotel suite during every Mets road trip; that’ll surely endear you to the low-paid youngsters who will soon serve as your alienated teammates while you and your 31-inch friend, Nelson, sip Cristal in the penthouse.

Ghost of Xmas Future: Don’t forget that the AL East teams will meet the NL East teams in 2006, so you’ll likely get to face your old mates — and the organization that you dissed on your way out. Think you’ll make the All-Star team this year? Look forward to hooking up with your old manager, Terry Francona, who’ll be overseeing the AL squad in July. Think your 3.90 ERA will fly in the NL in 2005? Not likely, with the low-grade offense the Mets will send up hacking behind you every five days. And your tiresome whining act won’t fly long in New York, especially when your production inevitably decreases. Who’s your daddy, indeed.

And what about that future Hall of Fame induction? Yankees fans hate you, Sox fans are disgusted with your recent comments, and down the road even more teammates and front-office workers will come to realize your inherent selfish, egotistical nature. Don’t expect too many old playing pals to show up in Cooperstown to toast your enshrinement.

You just don’t realize it, Pedro, but you’ve had a pretty wonderful life (even though we’re switching movies here). And someday, those toasts to your career accomplishments will likely be very anti–George Bailey: folks will indeed raise their glasses and say, "To Pedro Martinez, the richest man in town." But it’ll be for all the wrong reasons.

"Sporting Eye" returns Monday, December 27 at BostonPhoenix.com. Christopher Young can be reached at cyoung[a]phx.com.