Tristan Taormino spends so much time discussing sex, you wonder how she finds the time — or the energy — to have it. In addition to leading dozens of workshops on the subject, Taormino writes about sex for the Village Voice, Taboo magazine, Penthouse.com, and other publications. She edits On Our Backs magazine and the Best Lesbian Erotica series. She wrote The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (and produced, directed, and starred in a video based on the book). The list is exhausting. Taormino’s latest book is Pucker Up: A Hands-On Guide to Ecstatic Sex (ReganBooks, 2001). She spoke with the Phoenix from her home in Brooklyn.

Q: Can you briefly sum up what Pucker Up’s about?

A: This is my book to bring what I would call radical sexual practices to the masses. The people I hang around with know this stuff already, but there are plenty of people in America who don’t know about sex toys, the G-spot, female ejaculation, role playing, S&M, all of these different ways in which people can explore sexuality.

Q: How do you research a book like this?

A: All my research for this book happened when I worked at Toys in Babeland, a sex-toy store in New York. You’re there every day, not as a retail clerk but as a sex therapist, listening to people’s concerns, fantasies, dilemmas, dreams — it gives you a much clearer, bigger picture.

Q: What is the most important ingredient for a satisfying sexual relationship?

A: You need to figure out what turns you off and what gets you off and share that with your partner. One of the dangers is that people rely on their partners to just fumble around until something magic happens.

Q: Don’t most people view sex as if it were reflexive, like breathing?

A: That’s a myth, that you only have to put two people who like each other in the same room and it’s just going to happen. Nothing just happens — it’s just not that simple. You can’t just look at someone and know what they like. Both people need to come to bed, or to the table, knowing what they want and how to ask for it.

Q: Are you ever surprised by how little Americans know about sex?

A: Yes, it’s pretty awful. One of the questions I get in my advice column, and I get at least a dozen of these a year, is " Can I get pregnant from anal sex? " Someone’s asking that question ’cause they don’t know the answer.

Q: Do your friends ask you for advice?

A: Yes, but not just my friends — acquaintances and complete strangers.

Q: Does that get boring — do you ever feel like the podiatrist being asked to inspect someone’s corns at a cocktail party?

A: No, no. I don’t, because for one thing it reinforces that what I’m doing is important work, there’s a need for it.

Q: How do you tell if someone’s just coming on to you?

A: People come on to me a lot. Especially as a woman who has put her sexuality out there — people assume that means she has no boundaries. You have to gently remind them that you’re excited they want to be fucked in the ass, but you’re not the person who’s going to do it.

Q: Do you ever feel awkward discussing this stuff?

A: You know, my awkwardness comes in using clinical words to describe body parts. Sometimes I address a group of people where if I say " pussy " — or, God forbid, " cunt " — people will be offended. So I have to say " vagina " and " penis " when my preferred words are " pussy " and " cock. " " Pussy " rolls off of my tongue, " vagina " doesn’t.

Issue Date: August 23 - 30, 2001