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IN SICKNESS AND IN ILL HEALTH
Wedding hells
BY CHRIS WRIGHT

We’re entering the wedding season — a fact that strikes the fear of God into many of us, and rightly so. But according to Dr. Curtis Hsia, those sweaty palms, throbbing temples, and irresistible urges to flee for the hills may point to a sickness: gamophobia, or the fear of marriage. Dr. Hsia spoke with the Phoenix from his office at BU’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders.

Q: Is gamophobia the fear of the institution of marriage, or of getting married?

A: It can be either. Typically, [gamophobes] may completely avoid marriage to a point where they won’t date. They may avoid people of the opposite sex. There was one woman, she was very attractive, but she would dress in such a way that it would make someone not want to look at her. She was so afraid of getting into a relationship that she made herself less attractive.

Q: A gamophobe might be sent into a tizzy just by seeing a wedding dress?

A: Sure. Someone who’s afraid of heights might look up at a tall building and think, "That’s tall. What if I fell?" It’s the same thing: passing by a church where a wedding’s taking place could set people off. They’d not only get anxious thinking about it for themselves, but for other people as well.

Q: How prevalent is this?

A: It doesn’t come up that often for me, but the flip side to that is that it’s not something people come in for. If I choose not to be in a relationship, I can come up with all sorts of good excuses: it’s not part of my life plan, it’s not good timing. And people respect that, so it doesn’t cause problems. Other phobias are much more apparent.

Q: Weddings can be unnerving — how do you know this isn’t just reasonable fear?

A: The way we look at things, it’s not so much a matter of whether you have a phobia or not, it’s how it’s interfering in one’s life, how much distress it causes. It might become a problem if someone wants to get married but is so fearful that they can’t even go on a date.

Q: Is there a treatment?

A: We do cognitive and behavioral therapy, change the way you think about a situation and also how you act. If you’re afraid of tall buildings — what if it collapses? what if I jump? — we ask how likely is it a building will just implode, how many times have you jumped out of a window? We have people examine their catastrophic thoughts. We keep on pushing, and we get to the point where we’re all hanging out on the roof.

Q: So the gamophobe should just get married, then?

A: Well, we’re not going to say get married six or seven times. Go on a date and see what it’s like. Maybe it won’t be that bad.

Q: You haven’t been on some of the dates I’ve been on.

A: That’s what dating is for. If a person is argumentative or negative, you pick that up in dating. If a person is evil, you figure that out in the dating process. The question is, what’s the worst-case scenario, and can I handle that? Can I deal with the fact that I’m anxious? After a while, they recognize that this isn’t so terrible after all.

Q: Are you married?

A: I am not.

Q: Why not? Scared?

A: No, no. It just hasn’t happened. I’m hopeful, though.

Issue Date: May 23 - 30, 2002
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