There are two types of Saddam Hussein action figures available at online toy maker Herobuilders.com. The " Butcher of Baghdad, " a 12-inch doll sold for $24.95 plus shipping, comes with military fatigues, a self-satisfied grin, and the tyrant’s trademark lip tickler. But " Saddam Insane, " another version of the double-chinned dictator, is outfitted in shades and a dark beret — kind of an action-figure amalgam of Tom Selleck, Monica Lewinsky, and a giant, hairy asshole.

" He’s selling very, very quickly, " says Herobuilders.com president Emil Vicale over the phone from his Connecticut office. " I think people want to get him before he’s dead. " Although Saddam’s been on sale for more than four months, Vicale says that only recently did the Iraqi autocrat’s popularity match the site’s other world-famous evildoer, Osama bin Laden. " The sales went through the ceiling with the Osama — obviously, everyone loves villains. But now with the war, Saddam is catching up. "

Unlike in the real world, there’s no confusing the scoundrels with the saviors here. A five-person company that’s a side project of a larger Connecticut-based industrial firm, Herobuilders.com explicitly labels Saddam and Osama " villains " and the models of George W. Bush, Tony Blair, and Rudy Giuliani " heroes. " And the miniature S&M outfit and pink dress sold for an additional $19.95 are definitely not intended for Bush, Blair, or Giuliani. " Saddam started to look very cool, " Vicale says. " We couldn’t let him look like an actual hero, so we had to find something appropriate, something that’d make him look sadistic and masochistic all in one breath. " They opted for knee pads, a riding crop, and a body harness.

Since the release of the two Saddams, Herobuilders.com can’t decide which public figures will be next. " There are so many evildoers in the world, and they’re all Arab, " jokes Vicale. So instead of continuing to " pick on that culture, " the firm brainstormed potential candidates. Outspoken documentarian Michael Moore was a front-runner until Oscar night; now, Rummy’s a favorite. " We’re thinking of making Rumsfeld chewing some nice, fat cigar with a battleship tattoo on his chest. "

In the meantime, Herobuilders.com will concentrate on six-by-six-by-two-inch hand-painted scene sculptures. " The next sculpture we’re doing is Khalid Sheik Muhammed all bound and tied up on the floor, like the bag of shit he is, " laughs Vicale. " If you look at the image that the press put out [of him], you really can’t see anything below his hairy chest. He could be standing, he could be sitting on a box of rat food. So we made him laying down on the floor in a semi-fetal position, like a common loser criminal. "

After that, Herobuilders.com will insult — you guessed it — the French. " We’re doing a sculpture of that coward [French president Jacques Chirac] and the president of Germany, sitting on a park bench with tattered clothing, no shoes, and holding up cups with pencils like they’re beggars. That’s exactly where we think they’ll be in 10 years. "

Strangely, old-woman knickknacks inspired this shift from toys to three-dimensional scenes. " Know how you go over your mom’s house or your grandma’s house, " Vicale says, " and they have these pathetic sculptures of useless things: angels, doggies, fairies? I can never understand what people do with those. It’s not like you’re really buying an angel or a fairy. At least when you buy ours, you know you’re buying a tied-up bag of shit. "