As Iraqi civilians knife fight over water shortages and get shot for cruising through military checkpoints, a few of their stateside counterparts cope with the Iraqi invasion by auctioning off war-related novelties on eBay. On Tuesday, April 1 at 5:30 p.m., a search for " Saddam " revealed 1648 items for sale, " George Bush " unearthed 830, " Rumsfeld " located 24, and " kill Iraq " dug up two. Here are a few that stuck out.

Item: " Saddam Condom " with an expiration date of October 1992.

Seller’s description: " DIRECTIONS: USE THIS CONDOM TO HELP PREVENT UNWANTED MISTAKES LIKE SADDAM HUSSEIN.... [G]ood luck bidding on this fun and soon to be ‘highly collectable’ piece of historic Desert Storm/Saddam Hussein memorabilia. "

High bid: None; advertised for $9.99.

Item: A rooftop whirligig of George W. Bush with Saddam Hussein bent over his lap; rigged so that when the wind blows, Bush spanks.

Seller’s description: " Probably ought to go into some museum.... Grease it up well when you install it and it should never give you trouble. "

High bid: $15.50 from NutsyCoogan.

Item: A size XL T-shirt with ferret soldiers working to " ferret out " a bulbous, cigar-smoking Saddam.

Seller’s description: " A funny patriotic design made especially for ferret lovers. "

High bid: $9.99 from psmeyers1.

Item: A vinyl window sticker of Eeyore urinating on Saddam Hussein’s name. Also available is a pissing Calvin; other pissees include France and the Dixie Chicks.

Seller’s description: " Totally cute!... Even Eeyore doesn’t like the guy.... Provoke some laughs and thoughts in your fellow Americans! "

High bid: None; advertised for $5.

Item: T-shirt with Mickey Mouse dressed as Uncle Sam, a helicopter, a fighter plane, the American flag, and this text:

M I C ... see you Saddam

K E Y ... why? so we can kill you

M O U S A

Seller’s description: " This is an all american tshirt ... god bless America ... and pray for our troops. "

High bid: $6 from dolllly.

Item: Three-inch refrigerator magnet emblazoned with a tank-driving cocker spaniel. The text above the doggie reads, AMERICAN COCKER SPANIELS ARE COMING AT YOU SADDAM!

Seller’s description: " Show the world that your breed is patriotic!!... This adorable item is a must for any collector of items featuring this magnificent breed. " Also available in Weimaraner, boxer dog, Kerry blue terrier, bull terrier, basenji, and Siberian husky.

High bid: $5.24 from pretzelmama.