Terry Rockefeller knows sorrow and pain. For 19 months now, she has had to mourn the loss of her only sibling, Laura, who died in the World Trade Center attacks. But last summer, when Rockefeller first heard President Bush invoke 9/11 to justify war on Iraq, she felt betrayed and appalled. Then, she and three other 9/11 survivors took action. They planned a trip to Iraq on behalf of September 11 Families for Peaceful Tomorrows, an advocacy group that seeks nonviolent solutions to terrorism. In January, as the war that’s now hailed as an unequivocal success loomed, Rockefeller traveled from Baghdad to Basra, from hospital to school, to reach out to Iraqi civilians. On May 19, at a special luncheon hosted by the Arlington peace group Women’s Action for New Directions (WAND) at the State House, she’ll be honored as an "extraordinary woman for extraordinary times" for her peace work. The Phoenix spoke with Rockefeller by phone from her Arlington home about terrorism, her time in Iraq, and her life post-9/11.

Q: Did the news about the terrorist attack in Saudi Arabia bring back 9/11 for you?

A: Every terrorist attack brings it back. It’s become an all-too-common experience. Questioning the root causes of terrorism has led Peaceful Tomorrows to try to find alternatives to violent responses to terrorism. I’ve come to believe there are cycles of violence. What frightens me about the Afghanistan and Iraq wars is what they may produce 20 years from now. What do they mean for a 13-year-old boy who sees his family’s home destroyed, loses relatives, sees America use its might in that manner?

Q: How did you discover your own loss on 9/11?

A: Laura didn’t work at the World Trade Center. So when I heard it’d been hit, the furthest thing from my mind was that she could be there. Later, a girlfriend with whom Laura had had dinner the previous night called me. She knew Laura had this two-day job at a conference at the Trade Center. My sister was an actress, but she’d do other jobs to pay the rent. When her friend told me that she was 99 percent sure that Laura had been at the Trade Center and that she hadn’t heard from Laura, I called the company that ran the conference. It was nine at night before I received confirmation. At that point, I knew she’d been on the top floors. I didn’t have much confidence that she could’ve escaped.

Q: How long after your sister’s death did you join Peaceful Tomorrows?

A: A founding member is the mother of a friend of mine. It’s just one of those incredible coincidences. She lost her son, who’d worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. When I found out that some members of Peaceful Tomorrows had gone to Afghanistan, it resonated. I was so upset at the additional loss of life, so convinced that a war was not the answer. I believe in finding those responsible, and in tracking down every last penny spent to support terrorist groups. But bombing a country seems to create an environment that makes people feel so overwhelmed by American power that they resort to terrorism. I needed to meet these people. They were people to whom I could talk about my grief and my commitment to a world where my daughters won’t be threatened by terrorism.

Q: You’ve recently returned from Iraq. Why go?

A: Peaceful Tomorrows wanted to take a trip to Iraq to symbolize our sense of solidarity with Iraqi civilians, who we felt would pay an inordinate price. As the administration justified the war, September 11th was used over and over again. To me, it’s appalling that this event’s being used to manipulate public opinion. I understand how frightened Americans may be. But, as someone who paid a real price on September 11th, I’ve tried to make sure that I do not support policies that have no genesis in that day.

Q: What moment in Iraq stands out in your mind?

A: One of the most emotional moments came in Basra, in the no-fly zone. We heard air-raid sirens, which reminded us of how the war had never stopped in Iraq. We were taken to a family whose father had been killed on December 1. He was a driver at an oil refinery whose truck was hit by a missile. He’d been dead for six weeks. His wife was mourning in seclusion, in a room that only women could enter. We women asked to pay our condolences. As we entered, she embraced us. She told us how sorry she was about September 11th. She recalled her horror while watching the events on TV. We talked about loss. At the time, I experienced the ways in which suffering is universal.

Q: Now that Bush has declared "victory" in Iraq, what’s the role of your group?

A: Our focus is to continue to draw attention to the innocent civilians who died. Just as the world extended compassion to us and just as our government has offered compensation for our losses, we think it’s important that Iraqi civilians be compensated. Every effort must be made to count civilian casualties. That the administration has said it’s not necessary just appalls me. We have to make sure the American public doesn’t believe smart bombs only hit military targets. We’re hoping to return there to contact people who lost family members and to record their stories.

Q: In this war on terrorism, can you press for peace yet still be patriotic?

A: It’s the most patriotic thing I’ve ever done. We who lost loved ones to 9/11 do have a moral authority when we say peace is patriotic. Military might is a short-term solution. We need to look at long-term relationships that we build in the world. The bombing [in Saudi Arabia] implies that Al Qaeda can still carry out terrorist attacks. I wonder how much they’re recruiting members because of Afghanistan and Iraq. When America helps to create a climate of hate, that scares me.

Terry Rockefeller will talk about her trip to Iraq and peace work at the annual fundraiser for WAND at the State House this Monday, May 19, from noon to 1:30 p.m. Tickets for the luncheon cost $50. For more information, check out the WAND Web site at www.wand.org.