When it comes to poison-pen letters, few of us can hope to match the acerbic wit of a Dr. Johnson or the languorous derision of a Dorothy Parker. For those who can barely get beyond a few garbled obscenities, there is First Class Revenge (1stBooks Library), a collection of prefabricated hate mail: tirades against bad drivers and dishonest lovers, bungling doctors and imperious bosses. " You are an imbecile, " reads one, " [a] sluggish and drug-slurred blithering nutcase. " In an e-mail interview, the book’s author asks that he be identified by his pseudonym, Hugh D. Zervitt. " I shudder at the thought, " he explains, " of receiving hate mail over this. "

Q: What made you write this book?

A: Over time, I’ve heard many complaints about the inept, inconsiderate, and unethical members of society. I felt that people needed some form of outlet to vent their frustrations but from a safe distance. There are so many armed lunatics running around that venting could lead to disaster.

Q: Was it a challenge? Did you have to plumb the depths of your own disgruntlement?

A: Actually, yes. The greatest inspiration came to me while driving on the streets of my city. I think this is where the evil in our species really emerges.

Q: Have you always been a good insulter?

A: I am a Scorpio.

Q: Is " insulter " even a word?

A: I can’t tell you that, but an anagram for " insulter " is " let’s ruin. "

Q: Do you find yourself coming up against rude people and saying things like, " You, sir, are a pestilent carbuncle on the nether regions of society " ?

A: I have a game called " Click " that I play. I use a mental counter and each time I’m confronted with rudeness, I simply click the counter. I don’t keep a tally but I find myself clicking an awful lot while driving.

Q: What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned " Blow it out your ass " ?

A: Some evil people just don’t ride around on donkeys anymore.

Q: The book contains a disclaimer indicating that you don’t condone sending these letters out. Did this come from the legal department, so in the event of a fatal letter-related shooting you won’t get sued?

A: People need to be accountable for their own actions. If I were to construct a ladder made of toothpicks and [then] fell, causing a major injury to myself, can I sue the company that manufactures the toothpicks? No, there would be " no point. " This is a humorous book and should be treated as such.

Q: Wouldn’t it have been better to have written a book of nice letters, things like, " Dear neighbor, your yard looks delightful this year " ?

A: " Your yard looks lovely. The rusted fender beautifully accentuates the yellowness of your grass, which in turn accentuates the green weeds among them. I just love the way those tires are spread out like sliced olives on a pizza of disaster. "

Q: Would you describe yourself as an angry or bitter person?

A: Nay. I enjoy a good joke, especially the clean ones. I open doors for strangers and say " thank you " when required.

Q: Sociopathic?

A: I feel that the targets of the letters are the sociopathic ones.