Talk about impeccable timing. Catherine Gray had just finished shooting footage for her new documentary on gay and lesbian couples who want the right to marry when the issue seized the national headlines, thanks to the November 18, 2003, ruling of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court that overturned the state’s ban on same-sex civil marriage. Now, just days after gay and lesbian couples have begun marrying here for real, Gray’s film is set to air on PBS stations nationwide. The documentary, I Can’t Marry You, explores the general topic of gay marriage by looking at the lives of 20 gay and lesbian couples from such far-flung places as San Francisco, Miami, and Asheville, North Carolina. Last week, the Phoenix caught up with Gray at her New York–based production company, FYI Productions.

On how Gray came to undertake the project. In 2002, I left a career of many years to start a gay cable TV network. We were brainstorming ideas for the network, and one of them was to interview long-term gay couples to figure out how they make it work. It occurred to me that this would be an important documentary — to show how these people stay together even though they’re not married. And that got me thinking about why they cannot marry in the first place. It seemed ludicrous to me.

On which of the 20 featured couples touched her most. One particular couple from San Francisco stands out in my mind. They are a gay couple, two white men, who adopted a black child. In the film, one of them recalls when they adopted the boy as the "most precious, happiest day" of his life. It’s a poignant moment that makes [the issue of gay families] very real. There’s also the gay couple that’s been together for 55 years. Now, it’s 57 years. They’re absolutely adorable. I didn’t end up putting this in the film, but I asked them during the interview, "If you had three wishes, what would they be?" Martin [one of the partners] said, "I would wish for more time with Jim" with tears in his eyes. I thought that was really sweet.

On why even your prudish relatives can enjoy the film. This is the type of film you could show your mother and feel good about. It’s not about sex. It’s about love, commitment, family, household chores, the everyday life that gay people have just like anyone else. Personally, I had my parents in mind when I set out to make this film.

On how gay-marriage opponents might be influenced by her work. I’ve had people tell me that I’ve taken a non-defensive approach to this issue so anyone who has any heart and looks at the film cannot help but say, "You know what? They have a point." Hopefully, we’ll be able to bring down some walls through the PBS airing, which will reach a broader audience. Ultimately, it’s a very honest depiction of the situation [for gay couples], and I think anyone who sees the film would have to agree that things need to change.

I Can’t Marry You will air in Boston June 6, at 9 p.m., on WGBH-TV.