E-Mail This Article to a Friend DEPT. OF PUBLIC-SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS Fight mannequinism? BY CAMILLE DODERO

I’m a 25-year-old professional female, and I’ve been living with my loving, sweet, handsome boyfriend for the past two years. This past weekend, I went away to visit some friends and returned a night earlier than I’d expected. When I got home, I found my boyfriend asleep, naked, and cuddling with — I can’t believe I’m about to write this — a female department-store mannequin!

After I freaked out, he came clean with me: he’s had a mannequin fetish since his adolescence, a pervy predilection he calls "mannequinism." All this time, he’s been hiding her from me in the trunk of his car, sometimes even taking her for a drive when I’m working late. Worst of all, he’s begging me not only to stay with him, but says he would love to have a threesome with her — er, it. Is this for real? Is "mannequinism" an actual fetish? And is sleeping with a storefront-window model cheating?

Does Unconsciousness Make Men Yearn?

Yes, DUMMY, plenty of folks have mannequin fetishes. But although "mannequinism" sounds like a term for fake-lady love, it’s actually a word that’s just been appropriated for a very strange national campaign targeting 18-to-24-year-olds. "Mannequinism," as defined by the Advertising Council and the Federal Voting Assistance Program, is "a condition caused by political inactivity." The symptoms? "Sufferers experience a hardening of the skin and firmness of all joints until ultimately the body is transformed into a plastic hollow shell." In other words, kids, apathy makes you empty. Get it?

According to Fight Mannequinism’s statistics, 57 percent of people between the ages of 15 and 25 are "completely disengaged from civic life." Which is why this is a series of public-service announcements promoting voting, volunteering, and keeping up with current events. One of Fight Mannequinism’s first two 30-second radio spots begins, "Hi, my name is Aaron, and I’m a survivor of mannequinism." Aaron continues, "For me, it started when I didn’t register to vote, and then I stopped volunteering. And before I knew it, I wasn’t doing anything. And that’s when I found a small patch of plastic on my right shoulder." To which, another voice offers a cure, "Protect yourself against mannequinism: visit www.fightmannequinism.org."

Such a goofy, sexual-fetish-sounding tactic — volunteer or you’ll become a stiff! — seems misguided, perhaps more appropriate for elementary schoolers than university students. And that’s typically the problem with these sorts of initiatives: adults never seem to understand the twentysomething demographic. It evokes a moment in the recent presidential campaign, when CNN’s youth-oriented special America Rocks the Vote had 18-to-25-year-olds lobbing pre-approved questions at the then-eight Democratic candidates. At one point, a college student asked John Edwards, "What are you going to do to impress me and other youths in this year that we have ahead of us?" Edwards responded by talking about mortgage payments. "What I’m going to do for you and other young people is, I’m going to reach out to you, hear what you have to say, listen to what you have to say, try to give you a decent start in life by helping you be able to buy a house ..." A house?

Sorry for the tangent, DUMMY, but now you know how to fight mannequinism — sadly, not the kind that’s troubling you. To answer your last question, well, does she have private parts?

Visit www.fightmannequinism.org.