E-Mail This Article to a Friend Who wears short shorts? Not you. Bermudas are back in the spotlight for spring BY NINA " BERMUDA " SCHWARTZ

THERE’S A BIG, ill-fitting pink elephant in the room, and I’ll be damned if we’re going to continue to stand timidly by and let it stomp around and mess up the carpet, without so much as a peep out of us. Every year, every season, amid the swell of creativity, beauty, and grace bestowed upon us by our beloved designers, there inexorably emerges a trend that manages to both conquer the shelves and disgrace our bodies in one fell swoop.

Here come Bermuda shorts. And short they are not. Straight, skinny, and to the knee, they’re most flattering on those elite and lucky women with little body fat, narrow hips, and tight, tiny butts. (Or, alternatively, on men.) But let’s not be too negative. Even a big pink elephant can look hot if you wear it right. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Preppy is in, and what better way to participate than with a brand-spanking-new pair of Bermudas? J. Crew, mecca for all things preppy, has a pair of oxford-cotton Bermudas ($88) in cucumber or tile (read: green or blue). They’ll look sharp with a matching belt and polo shirt, or extra-sharp with a fitted blazer and casual flats. The Gap, also a time-honored prepster haven, is showing Bermuda shorts in pink-and-white candy stripes ($39.50). Heck, you can even pull up your tube socks, throw on your tennies, and rock the look from head to toe — as long as you promise to maintain a sense of irony.

If you need to temper preppiness with a splash of funk, try the Lux cropped antique-stripe chino Bermudas in peach ($48) at Urban Outfitters. They’d look fabulous with ultra-high wedge sandals, which, aside from being all the rage, would also work to lengthen your legs and give an overall slimming effect. Or try a pair of Juicy Couture’s distressed-denim Bermudas ($138), paired with a funky printed tunic or a plain white tank to bring the whole look down to earth.

To add a touch of class to an otherwise-casual style, how about a pair of black sateen Bermudas by Theory ($135), from Nordstrom? Throw on a tiny shawl or shrug, slip into a pair of stilettos, and you can take your Bermudas out after dark. Or check out Seven for All Mankind’s denim version ($132), also at Nordstrom, and wear it with a hot metallic bag and matching high-heel sandals for an effect that’s equally funky and classy.

So although the fashion industry does make its consumers do a little extra work from time to time, there’s value to be found in nearly every trend. However, now that you have the power of the Bermuda vision within reach, don’t go wearing these all over the place. You must carefully pair them with other flattering items in your wardrobe and, please, use them sparingly. We don’t want another tapered-jeans fiasco on our hands. In some parts of the country, those wounds have not yet healed.

Where to get it:

• Gap, various locations; www.gap.com

• J. Crew, various locations; www.jcrew.com

• Juicy Couture, available at various stores; www.juicycouture.com

• Nordstrom, various locations; www.nordstrom.com

• Urban Outfitters, 361 Newbury Street, Boston, (617) 236-0088; 11 JFK Street, Cambridge, (617) 864-0070; www.urbanoutfitters.com