Seven years of same-sex marriage. Traditionally, that's the amount of time it takes for straight folks to get sick of looking at each other over the breakfast table. On the other hand, even after 41 years of sweaty, shirtless float boys, we still have a twinkle in our eye for Pride. If your union is becoming less than civil, maybe this week would be a good time to recapture that spark &ldots; But how? Never fear — we've created a handy chart for you. (View and download the PDF guide to Boston Pride.)
SATURDAY 6.4 | HUMAN RIGHTS BENEFIT
Sheraton Hotel Roof Deck, 39 Dalton St, Boston | 7–11 pm | $100 | interpride2012.org
Well, aren't you the upstanding gay citizen. Look at you, with your lawful spouse and 2.5 kids (at home with the nanny, of course), all decked out in your tasteful business-casual finery. Not for you the leather-thonged gyrations of the parade float; that time is behind you. No, you'd prefer to clink your Champagne glass in support of Boston Pride's Human Rights and Education Committee. This is billed as an "elegant evening reception" with a jazz ensemble, hors-d'oeuvres, and cash bar — and money raised will support the city's hosting of InterPride's 2012 World Conference in October. Very socially responsible of you.
THURSDAY 6.9 | THE GO-GO'S AND THE B-52'S
Bank of America Pavilion, 290 Northern Ave, Boston | 7:30–11 pm | $30–$50 | livenation.com
Are the B-52's the funnest band in the world? Hit up YouTube for classics like "Quiche Lorraine," "Wig," and "Girl from Ipanema Goes to Greenland," and see if you don't feel compelled to dance this mess around. This weekend, the band hops in their Airstream (it's as big as a whale!) and cruises down to the Bank of America Pavilion to unite with their sisters in eyeliner, the Go-Go's. So if you'd rather cut a rug than munch one, go put on your your biggest wig and go shake your cosmic thing.
FRIDAY 6.10 | ORIGINAL PLUMBING PARTY: TRANS PRIDE
Midway Cafe, 3496 Washington St, Boston | 8 pm–2 am | $10 | facebook.com/originalplumbing
The groundbreaking San Francisco–based FTM lad mag Original Plumbing lands in Boston for the first time tonight. Whatever your degree of queeritude or your genital configuration, you should head down to the Midway to party with the boys, bois, and boyz — festivities include mag giveaways, a roaming photobooth, and a performance by OP staffer Katastrophe (whose music has soundtracked The L Word). Considering the amount of T coursing through the attendees, it will probably be a wild night.
FRIDAY 6.10 | OFFICIAL DYKE MARCH AFTER-PARTY
Felt Nightclub, 533 Washington St, Boston | 9 pm–2 am | dykenight.com/dykemarch.html
We're told that Boston's Dyke March is the third-largest in the nation, but we're not sure which cities are numbers one and two. Also, whose job is it to go around to all the marches and count the dykes? Does the dyke-counter have to also personally certify that all the marchers are indeed lesbians? And if so, where do we apply? At any rate, the Dyke March winds up at Felt, where the party features complimentary appetizers and a silk-ribbon aerialist — yum! Eat your heart out, fourth-largest Dyke March, wherever you are (probably Providence). We bet you don't even have aerialists at your after-party. Suckers.