Want to keep your head above water in post-meltdown America? Here's some ways to get your own bailout bucks — without a W2.
By LISSA HARRIS | June 11, 2009
If you're like the more than nine percent of Americans currently unemployed, your "Yes We Can!" has lately lost some of its gusto. You've hit up everyone you know for work, including your mom, your ex, and your ex's ex. Face it: jobs are about as easy to find these days as your hedge-fund manager's home phone number. Meanwhile, you're broker than Iceland and you're in need of a serious cash infusion.Fortunately, a little bit of hustle and a can-do attitude are the ingredients necessary for a moneymaking rain dance. We've put together a few pointers for thriving in post-meltdown America that you probably won't find posted on the wall at the unemployment office. And remember, if these fail you, there's always prostitution and food service (two jobs that require the same skills — just in different uniforms). Get out your umbrellas!
Feed your (continuing) ed Do you have a little time and dough to invest in a career upgrade? Here are a few degrees you can get quickly that will give you an excellent shot at skipping the bread line. EMT CERTIFICATION It's hard work, and not for the faint of heart, but a basic EMT license will get you onto the bottom rung of the health-care ladder — a field that still has a clear path for advancement, and that's growing at a tremendous clip despite (or perhaps because of) our nation's woes. The University of Rhode Island (uri.edu) in Providence, Brown University (brown.edu), and the Community College of Rhode Island (ccri.edu) in Warwick offer basic EMT classes; URI also has cardiac and paramedic training. GREEN JOBS The recent stimulus bill included $500 million for green-job training nationwide. The Department of Labor hasn't started doling out the money yet — they're still looking at grant applications — but once they do, watch for green-job-certification programs to crop up across the country. Words of wisdom: be wary of frauds and hucksters. BEAUTY SCHOOL No clever bastard has yet found a way to outsource a pedicure to Bangladesh. You can complete a part-time degree in cosmetology in six months to a year: try the Rob Roy Academy in Woonsocket (401.769.1777 ) or the Empire Beauty School in Warwick (401.826.2022). L.H. |
BITE THE BULLETIN
Before you panic, first hit the job boards. Students: you have a particular advantage here, as university communities are a hotbed of temp jobs, and student-support centers are usually eager to help hook you up. Even if you're not a student, you can still prowl university bulletin boards in meatspace. Or try well-trafficked coffee shops, small grocery stores, and laundromats. If you peel away the apartment listings and expired band flyers (not to mention umpteen pleas for employment from other desperate schmoes like yourself), you should be able to find ads for part-time work with high turnover, such as collecting petition signatures or cleaning houses.
KISS YOUR GRASS GOODBYE
In hard times, the right piece of equipment can make you an instant entrepreneur. (Consider Mad Max, who probably made bank renting out his Geiger counter.) Have a lawnmower? You're in business. Go around your neighborhood looking for shockingly unkempt yards, and start knocking on doors. (Do be prepared, however, to encounter equal amounts of dog shit and absentee landlords.)
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Amid the gloom, a one-man optimism offense, Catching up with FairPoint’s decline, How is Obama doing?, More 
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Seven or eight years ago, with the state's economy aflutter and Providence in ascendance, Scott Wolf thought Rhode Island was finally starting to shed its inferiority complex.
- Catching up with FairPoint’s decline
We've been telling you for ages how bad the FairPoint deal was for residents of Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont.
- How is Obama doing?
In response to a question from Oprah Winfrey about how he would grade his time in office, President Barack Obama gave himself a "solid B-plus."
- Rough Seas Ahead
Eighteen months after Barack Obama took office with the largest plateful of troubles of any president in recent memory, it would seem only fair for him to finally get a stretch of smooth sailing.
- Get smart
There are lots of theories about what's wrong with Maine's economy.
- The high cost of free markets
Free markets are not free. They always carry a cost.
- Funeral recession
These days, practically nothing is immune to the economy's woes — not even an industry that caters to what would seem to be the one recession-proof commodity: death.
- Trying times for Obama
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- An angry electorate? Eh, whatever
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