The Super Bowl is an event that was expressly created to test exactly how many plates of guacamole and nachos a person could consume in a nine-hour period. This occurs while observing an equally large number of commercials praising the same.
Wine can be a fabulous accompaniment if carefully chosen. Guacamole's soul mate is a New Zealand sauvignon blanc that tastes like a box of kiwifruits. This flavor combination really smacks you around like a good middle linebacker would. The best thing about the sauvignon blanc grape is that it can be served in one of those tall blue pint-size beer glasses, which will help you avoid pissing off your fellow Super Bowl watchers by secretly drinking wine during this holiest of American beer-guzzling days.
In addition to the kiwi nuances, there is full-on gooseberry (yes, I have had gooseberry wine) along with an asparagus-on-the-side flavor. The grape growers of New Zealand are experts at coaxing flavors from the land, into your sauvignon blanc grapes and your blue beer glass. Salsa, onions, those cool lime-flavored chips, ripe avocados, and my all-time secret ingredient, the little cans of fire-roasted chilis, will make for an all-star lineup with this versatile grape. John Madden should make a guest appearance to announce all of this.
The good news is that there are lots of reasonably priced New Zealand sauvignon blancs on local store shelves. A good example is Monkey Bay, with the distinctive little monkey climbing around the label. This little gem changes more frequently in price than free agents, but is usually between $7.99 and $13.
With the addition of Pacific Islander players to the NFL, you can't forget that awesome little pre-game scare-the-shit-out-of-your-opponents war dance the Maori do. For those on the couch, we have Ranga Ranga at $9.99 and Mohua at $13.49. But if you are planning on doing a haka, limber up first and drink responsibly.