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Love bytes Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, About two-and-a-half months ago, I met a woman via an Internet dating service. We both had our profiles listed, met, and immediately started going together. Things are going very well for us. But even though we took our profiles off the site, I happen to know that she still has her profile up on another dating Web site (she doesn’t know that I know). I also know that she goes to that site fairly regularly to check things there. My question is, should I break this off? It seems she wants to continue to look around. She hasn’t acted on anything with anyone else (not that I know of, anyway), but I think that maybe it’s only a matter of time, and I don’t want to be sitting here like a fool if and when it happens. — B.K. Dear B.K., It has only been two-and-a-half months since you met. Continuing to do a bit of " comparison shopping " doesn’t seem to be such an outrageous notion. I wouldn’t be too concerned, nor should you make accusations or even acknowledge you’ve been snooping around to see what your girlfriend’s doing on the Internet. Just concentrate on your nascent relationship and keep a positive attitude. If she’s not quite as committed as you are at this very early point, this is not necessarily unusual. Relax, enjoy the present, and things will reveal themselves in due time. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I thought your response to " desperate, " who wants to have children with a man who doesn’t, was a little off-base. I agreed with your advice in substance — she shouldn’t continue to try to push the relationship where it’s not going — but I was very put off by the way you declared the man in this case wasn’t " very interested in [her] most important desires. " Wanting not to have children, or wanting not to have more children, is just as valid an " important desire " as wanting to have children. If this woman’s partner has told her that he’s having a vasectomy, and even made the appointment, then he’s being pretty clear about his desires. I think it’s unfair to say he’s not interested enough in his partner’s desires — since she’s not showing much interest in, or comprehension of, his desires, either. That she’s " desperate " after three months is a little disturbing. Frankly, it makes me vaguely wish that she was the one who didn’t want children. Anyway, thanks for your column, I always find it quite entertaining. — Julia Dear Julia, Your point is well-taken. I do think, however, that people who strongly desire children and those who don’t are probably not a good match. Perhaps I was too harsh on this fellow, but one hopes they both see they have problems in their relationship. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I am 21 years old and my wife is 20. We got married a few months ago, but we haven’t told any of our parents yet. Both sets encouraged us to wait until we were done with college, but we just couldn’t. We’re both living at our parents’ homes and trying to come up with a plan of how to tell them that we’ve gotten married. We thought maybe that having a big party and announcing it there would be the way to go, but we’re not sure. — Looking for Advice Dear Looking for Advice, The big party idea has some serious problems. Because both sets of parents were opposed to your getting married at this time, springing the news on them at a party puts them in an awkward position. The assumption that they’ll immediately embrace the idea is pretty naïve, and an unpleasant scene or two could unfold. Best that your bride and you meet separately with both sets of parents and tell them that, while you’re sorry they’re disappointed that you didn’t follow their wishes, you’re so committed to each other that you went ahead. Here’s hoping that they will accept your decision very soon, and then, perhaps, you could throw that big party. Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.
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