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Hot pants Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I’ve recently read a few stories in the newspaper about the provocative way that high school students are dressing for class these days. Revealing blouses, mini-T-shirts, thongs, etc., seem to be standard apparel. I have a 14-year-old daughter who is starting to dress in this fashion, and her attitude seems to be that we adults are just old fuddy-duddies when we insist that students dress more appropriate for school. Any idea of what else I might tell her to get her attention? — Frustrated Mother Dear Frustrated Mother, This is an age when peer pressure is supreme and listening to parents minimal. However, if your daughter ever presents some thoughts on what she’d like to be doing, career-wise, as an adult, you might point out that very few people with successful careers dress like hookers — unless, of course, they are hookers. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I had quite the year and need help. My ex-fiancée and I had our first son together and moved in together about a year ago. Our living situation wasn’t the best -- my family visited often, which caused conflict. Looking back, I can see areas where I was neglectful toward the relationship. I never told her I loved her and wasn’t very comforting, although she wasn’t innocent in this area either. Our relationship was verbally abusive. We would say things to each other out of spite and hurt each other’s feelings. Over the last few months, she was going out and drinking more often than usual, which made me insecure. I found out that she was calling her ex-boyfriend after she went out drinking with friends, at times like 1 a.m. (booty call?). I made her move out and we went through a lot of arguing in court for custody of our son, but then we started talking things out. Then, I found out she was sleeping with one of my friends while we were talking things out. This caused more arguing between us. We started talking again about the relationship and how we should go to family counseling, but she was still calling her guy friend, because I saw his phone number on redial. We argued at first, but haven’t talked since then other than about our son. I’d say we were both naive and ignorant toward each other. My questions are: Where do we go from here? Is it too late to repair the damage between us? Do you think she wants to move on and has lost her love for me? Would she ever stop running around, and would I have to worry every time we got into an argument? Should I move on? During the relationship, I was the one wanting to stay in or go to the movies; she seemed to always want to go out drinking with friends. I always wanted a family unit and feel that I have failed that goal. P.S.: We both love our son dearly, and it seems we want to stay together for him. We do love each other, but there hasn’t been a huge spark for a long time. We never kissed or hugged much. Although we had sex quite often, it just seemed empty. Could this ever be repaired? Thanks. — Confused Dear Confused, I don’t know what is salvageable here, but you had a very good idea when you discussed going to counseling. You have a long list of grievances and she probably does, too. You need to re-connect and you don’t have a chance without some professional therapeutic help. I urge you to attend joint counseling sessions. Even if things ultimately don’t work, you’re both parents, responsible for a young son, and that is not going to change. You need to do what is best for him and that means having as good a relationship with each other as is possible, even if you split up. By getting some counseling, you may learn a lot about your behaviors (like the verbal abuse), and perhaps develop some strategies for changing your regrettable behaviors. Good luck and please get some help. Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.
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