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Carcass of love Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, My old college sweetheart recently landed back in my life, and I’m a bit confused. He called and said he’d been thinking about me for a few years, but never did anything because he was married with a child. He told me his wife had left him about a month before, and feeling that his marriage was completely broken, he suggested that we reconnect. We did get together, and although sparks did not fly, it was fun and good, and I could see that my interest in him was being rekindled. We saw each other a few more times, and then, about a week ago, he called and told me that his wife had returned. He said he still felt that the marriage is unworkable, but due to his four-year-old son, he wasn’t really in a position to do anything about it and was going to try to stay with his wife for a while with the eventual plan of divorcing her and getting on with his life. This puts me in a very weird situation. Should I even entertain the idea of continuing to see him, or should I break it off right now? I don’t know what to make of this. — Seriously Confused Dear Seriously Confused, It sounds to me like your former college boyfriend was sending out a few feelers to see what his options were. Tell him that you don’t want to be involved until he actually divorces his wife and comes up with a real plan. Move on and consider it pretty much a dead issue at this point. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, Since my mother is bound and determined to fix me up with a "nice Jewish girl," she’s constantly trying to introduce me to women who are daughters of her friends, etc. I am certainly not opposed to meeting someone of the same faith (although I, unlike my mother, also consider non-Jewish women as being acceptable). Here’s the freaky part. Both my mother and father are (like me) pretty much non-practicing when it comes to religion. So why this seeming obsession with keeping the bloodlines Jewish? I don’t want to diss my mother, but I really don’t need any help in meeting prospective dates, and I find her involvement in my social life to be inappropriate. How can I get her off my case? — Stan Dear Stan, Suggest to your mother that she take up bridge. Dr. Lovemonkey hates to give advice that could cause discord between family members. All I can suggest is telling her that you don’t need any dating help. That is, if you haven’t already done so. This sounds so much like some sort of movie from the late ’50s/early ’60s that I’m wracking my brain to come up with some practical advice. By the way, despite the famous stereotype, non-Jewish mothers pull the same stuff as well. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it, but I’d suggest encouraging your mom not to set up any more dates for you. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, — L.L. Dear L.L., I assume that you’ve previously told your friend who is getting married that you’re not enthusiastic about the prospects. If so, you have made your sentiments clear. But the couple has decided that you are wrong and they are right. Obviously, they do not begrudge you your opinion and have invited you to the wedding. As a friend, it is your duty to put your reservations on hold, attend, and be supportive of your friend’s decision. If we are not talking about abusiveness or other serious issues, just the fact that you don’t like your friend’s choice, then that is his/her decision and you should be as supportive as possible. You may find out that you were wrong, or you could be right. Regardless, support your friends and try to be happy for them. Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net
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