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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I am very confused by a recent incident that I’d like to relate to you. I met Bob and he came on very strong right off the bat. Within weeks, he was telling me he loved me, and by the end of the first month, he was talking about commitment and getting engaged, married, etc. Naturally, I was flattered by his seemingly unequivocal and strong feelings for me, but within a few months, when I began returning some of those feelings, he started holding back and eventually his feelings (and his presence) started to wane. What’s the deal with this guy? Is this a common occurrence or syndrome? — G.S. Dear G.S., Dr. Lovemonkey isn’t qualified to speak about syndromes since he is not a behavioral expert in any way. However, in your case, it seems this might be a guy who is just in love with being in love. My advice, when you encounter someone coming on really strong, really early in a relationship, would be to hold back and encourage the guy to hold back a bit as well. Tell the oncoming one that you’re uncertain about your feelings (as undoubtedly you were) and that you want to take things one step at a time. This fellow’s level of ardor sounds more the product of fantasy than anything else, and you don’t necessarily want to play into another’s fantasy. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, My cat went missing a few weeks ago and I was very upset because my boyfriend didn’t seem to care at all. When I’d suggest that we go out looking for Esther, he’d say, "Why bother, she’s probably gone for good." Eventually, she returned, much to my relief, but this whole episode has me very upset and angry with my boyfriend. Am I misplacing my anger or is there something wrong here? — Irritated in Warwick Dear Irritated in Warwick, You have good reason to be upset and angry. Whether or not your boyfriend has any interest in pets, he supposedly cares about you. If he cares about you, he knows that Esther is important in your life and could see you were deeply troubled when she disappeared. For him to take the attitude he did suggests that he’s callous, uncaring, and selfish. This is not the guy for you. His lack of concern for Esther underscores his lack of concern for you and the important things in your life. Keep the cat, ditch the guy. Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I recently overheard my 14-year-old son refer to the Pope as "that burnt-out, busted-up old circus dog." While we are not Catholics, I have tried to teach him to have respect for others, especially his elders. I don’t believe that one has to embrace someone as a religious leader, but there should be a minimal amount of respect for an elderly person who is obviously ill and has also obviously spent an exemplary life. Any ideas on how I should confront my son on this? — Upset Dear Upset, Part of what came out of your son’s mouth seems tied to a sort of misguided junior high school bravado. Perhaps you could point out that the Pope has lived a very courageous life, for many years defying the Communists in his native Poland; that he was very active and athletic as a younger and even middle-aged man (a very good skier, Dr. Lovemonkey understands); and that more importantly, everyone ages. If your son is lucky, he might live half the vigorous and courageous life that this pope has. Your emphasis on teaching him to respect his elders is right on the money, especially so in the case of someone who has been a person of considerable achievement. Your son needs to talk with and observe more older people. With your perspective, I think that he will get beyond his current stupidity. Send questions and romantic quandaries to rcheeks@prodigy.net
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