E-Mail This Article to a Friend Up from the brothel (continued)

Q: How much time does it take up now? Does it take you away from photography and filmmaking?

A: Oh my God. I was just talking to our accountant; I haven’t been paid anything for what I do, and we’re now talking about actually paying me something, instead of living off credit cards, and she said, "How many hours have you been working?" And I would say minimum, minimum, 70 hours a week. Only on this. I have not taken pictures in three years, I can’t print my own work, I have no time to do anything. I want to change that. We’re building a team, and the organization is much more serious now, and it’s great. I really want to be the inspiration and the visionary, with less sort of day-to-day work.

Q: Do you get resentful that you haven’t been able to take your own pictures in so long?

A: Not so much resentful, but it’s very frustrating. At times I just break down and I’m tired. There’s so much paperwork and stuff like that, which I’m very good at, but my daily life, it’s not what I want to do. And e-mailing, oh my God, I could spend six hours every day just dealing with the e-mail. I don’t enjoy that.

Q: I was going to ask you if at this point you consider yourself a photographer first or a filmmaker first, but it sounds as if right now you’re not either of those things.

A: No. I just want to be open and start exploring again, and obviously be involved in this, but I don’t want it to be my whole life. I mean, if that’s what I wanted, it would be great, but I’m really a creative person, and I need a lot of space and a lot of time and a lot of quiet.

Q: And you’re not getting much quiet these days.

A: No, definitely not. But it’s also such an honor. You know, we could’ve made the film and nothing happened, and be $300,000 in debt from it. So it’s really an honor.

Q: In the New York Times interview you were crying because your boyfriend — a trapeze artist who was teaching you trapeze — broke up with you on New Year’s Eve, and you said that you’re "wide open all the time, so it can be kind of painful." Do you think that wide-openness is part of what makes you a good photographer and filmmaker?

A: Absolutely. I mean, it’s not an easy way to be in this world, but I definitely see more than most people, and I feel just about everything, so it helps me understand people. I’m always inside their shoes. I would say it’s a compassionate way of photographing.

Q: Do you ever wish you weren’t so wide open?

A: Oh, yeah.

Q: Like when you’re sitting in interviews with New York Times reporters, probably.

A: [Laughing] Yeah. Although even that, it’s kind of embarrassing for me, but it had a huge effect, because I heard so many people were really moved that I could be that authentic, and again, it gives permission for other people to be authentic. So it all has a purpose, even though it’s hard for me. I would like it to get easier for me. I would like my boyfriend back, too.

Q: It certainly made you seem so accessible and real, because everyone’s had that experience; it’s just that no one wants to talk about it.

A: Right. And of course I can’t keep it in; I’m like, Waaah.

Q: I was sort of disappointed that you didn’t get to learn trapeze.

A: I know. Well, I actually met him yesterday for the first time since it happened, and I’m still very much in love, so I’m hoping that he’ll change his mind.

Q: What’s next for you? You’re going to Calcutta, and then what?

A: Well, we’ll see what happens with the Oscars. I’m still going to a lot of screenings, because we’re opening up in theaters [across the country]. So there’s a lot of traveling with the film. And beyond that I’m hoping to actually take the month of March off and go to Africa and just be alone in the desert for a month. I’d like to spend the summer in New York and get back to the things that I really enjoy, like learning to dance, and learning the flying trapeze, if that works out.

Q: You must miss seeing friends.

A: I have no friends.

Q: It must be hard to maintain relationships, with the schedule you keep.

A: It’s been really hard. My friends, I don’t have a lot of friends anyway, but they’re being patient, I hope. And all of these sort of acquaintances, you know, not close friendships, they’ve just completely fallen apart. I mean, two years — I’ve not been in touch with anybody.

Q: What do you think you’d be doing now if you hadn’t become a photographer?

A: My life could’ve gone in so many different ways. I can’t imagine not being a photographer in a way, because I see so clearly, but I definitely want a piece of land. I love animals, and I would love to take care of animals. I love gardening, growing things. I could imagine myself having a center, an organic place with cooking and growing and taking care of animals, some sort of holistic center. And I will do that in my life; I’m sure I will do that. That’s part of me going to Africa and exploring, because for all I know, I’m going to end up living there, or splitting my time between New York and some very remote place.

Q: You don’t have any kids, do you?

A: No, just these nine.

Q: Did spending so much time with these kids make you want to have any of your own?

A: No. Honestly, I’ve never wanted to have kids. I’ve never wanted to have kids emotionally, but also practically, because if I did want to have kids, I would just adopt. I just feel like there are so many kids that need love and attention, why bring more in?

Born into Brothels opens at the Kendall Square Cinema, in Cambridge, on January 28. For information on the film and on Kids with Cameras, log on to www.kids-with-cameras.org. Tamara Wieder can be reached at twieder[a]phx.com